Page 67 of The Twilight Garden

Gemma nodded, thoughtful. ‘There’s something else,’ she said. ‘Something that proved to be the catalyst for everything that came after. Because, on one of those evening visits to Mum, she asked me a question – one single sentence which had the power to change a whole life. Two lives. I didn’t realise that’s what it was though. If I had, I’d have stopped time, gone back and erased it. Not taken its power and used it to tear us apart. So from that moment on, I let our future be decided for us.’ She paused, eyes filling with tears as memories of that night assailed her.

‘Mum asked me if I thought you’d made the wrong decision. At least, that’s what I took her words to mean. What she actually said was “do you think he made the wrong decision?” which is something very different. Something it’s taken me far too long to realise.’

Leo frowned. ‘Sorry, I’m not… I don’t understand.’

‘Because I’d always assumed that Mum was talking about you – asking me whether I thought you’d made the wrong decision by staying with Dad instead of leaving to get help. But what if she was talking about Dad? What if she was asking me whether by asking you to stay with him, Dad had made the wrong decision?’

‘Oh, Gem… We only had minutes—’ He broke off, suddenly choked. ‘So we didn’t even discuss it. We talked about you and June. He wanted me to tell you how much he loved you. He wanted me to promise I would tell you.’

‘I know, and you did. It meant the world…’

‘But there was no time for anything else. Bernie knew he was going to die and there was never any question of me going anywhere. I just assumed that’s what he wanted.’ He shook his head. ‘No, I didn’t assume, I knew that’s what he wanted. I never doubted myself until afterwards.’

Gemma nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. ‘That is what he would have wanted, I know he would. But the damage had already been done. Whether Mum was talking about you or Dad, it didn’t matter. She wouldn’t have asked the question if she believed the right decision had been made, but the important thing here is that I took it to mean you. The seeds of doubt had been scattered, and it was frightening how quickly they grew. I couldn’t get that question out of my head, and although I asked Mum over and over, pressed her to tell me what she thought, she wouldn’t. All she ever said was that it didn’t matter, and that she should never have said anything. But if she had told me how she felt, things might have been different. I’d have had something to fight against.’

She bowed her head, letting the tears fall. She had said what she needed to say. Confessed that her marriage had ended due to a misunderstanding, and, if not that, then down to an assumption on her part, one that she was all too ready to make. ‘I’m so sorry, Leo.’ It was all there was left to say.

‘Hey…’ Leo’s arms were warm and enfolding. ‘No blame, remember? I don’t think any less of you for being human, for behaving the way that humans do, with all our glorious ability to mess things up, but also to make things absolutely right. It was a crazy time, Gemma, and we were all a bit crazy. But that time has passed, it’s in the past, and we should leave it there. We’re different people now, and now is what counts.’

‘I thought you’d hate me.’

‘I didn’t even hate you back then.’ He wiped a tear from the end of her chin. ‘I will admit to being a teeny bit miffed when you threw me out of the house, but…’ He smiled. ‘I never hated you. How could I when you were the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me? I forgot that.’

‘I probably should have reminded you,’ said Gemma, smiling and sniffing at the same time.

‘The last few months have done that.’

Gemma drew back so she could look at him properly. At his face, his dear, dear face, and his eyes, dark, calming and now lightening like the sky after a storm. ‘So what do we do now?’ she whispered, as if somehow Cat and Joe would hear.

‘Now, as in right now this minute? Or now, as in the rest of our lives?’

She swallowed. The rest of their lives was a scary thought— She checked herself. No, it wasn’t. It really, really wasn’t.

‘The second,’ she managed, heart thumping in her chest.

‘We live,’ he replied. ‘In the present. And trust that the rest will just follow.’

‘But what if it’s too late for us?’

Leo pursed his lips as if thinking, and then he smiled, a slow, lazy smile that crept up from his lips and lit up his eyes like midnight stars. ‘What if it isn’t?’

27

They left at seven the next morning, rising early and sharing a quick breakfast with Cat and Joe before leaving for Thistledown. But it wasn’t a goodbye, simply a goodbye for now, and both women knew that Gemma would be back in touch the minute she had any news, mobile signal notwithstanding. They hugged, long and hard – with Cat batting away Gemma’s grateful thanks without a second thought.

The hardest part was saying goodbye to Leo – temporarily – as each of them journeyed back to the farm alone; Leo in his van and Gemma in her tiny hatchback.

The drive would have been the perfect opportunity for her to share her thoughts with Leo and ask for his views. She was still very aware that her ideas about the future of the farm were not yet fully formed and, now that they were on their way back, the clock had started ticking again. Time was running out. If they didn’t repair the damage done by the cows soon, they would lose this year’s growing season altogether, and all the crops which came with it too. What happened was still her responsibility. She had been the one to bring Ashley into their fold, and even though she couldn’t be held directly responsible for Ashley’s actions, she still believed that it was down to her to make amends. But how? She had about two and a half hours to work it out.

An hour into the drive, she still had nothing. The day was balmy, soft and airy, the horizon expanding around her as she left the towns behind. Fields and trees rolled by. The powdery blue of the sky was dotted with wisps of cloud, and here and there, birds wheeled about, spiralling as they rode the thermals high above her. Verges were filled with burgeoning greenery, hedgerows were spotted with colour and wildflowers filled any gap they could find. It lowered her blood pressure, made her heart sing too – but it also stole away the urgency of her thoughts, leaving them to drift and sway…

Gemma had long since lost sight of Leo, his elderly van still possessing far more horsepower than she had, and every now and again her thoughts strayed back to him too. Wondering what he was thinking about, wondering how he was feeling. That his future lay entwined with that of the farm she was certain, but where did she fit into things? There was still so much to resolve. But the thought that they might do so together brought a smile to her lips, and she drove on.

By the time she hit the halfway point in her journey, she was beginning to panic. Thoughts flitting first one way and then the other. Settling on an idea for only a few seconds before dismissing it and darting off at a tangent. Ticktock, ticktock… She was running out of time. The farm was running out of time… She slowed as the car in front of her braked before turning through a set of gates on her left and, as she followed its direction of travel, her eyes widened with sudden realisation. Time wasn’t the problem at all. They had all the time in the world; they just needed to harness it. And, as she took in the detail of what lay beside the road, she suddenly saw how.

As expected, Leo reached Thistledown before her, but as she neared the farm she was surprised to see all three of them – Leo, Rowan and Willow – standing by the entrance to the track, waving wildly as she approached. She tumbled from the car, leaving the engine running, and practically fell into Willow’s waiting hug, her feet unsteady on the still rutted ground.

‘I’m so sorry,’ said Willow, her chest heaving. ‘This morning has been horrible, watching the minutes tick by until you arrived. But you’re here now, that’s all that matters. I was scared you wouldn’t come back at all.’