Page 11 of Secret Sins

I just didn't want it coming to that, especially not in public. The spectacle that would create would generate waves big enough to reach the east coast, and then, if the guy didn't come back, they’d know to look for me here.

In a town this small, it was no wonder I ran into people I recognized all the time. Unfortunately, it put all of them in danger when a strange man was following me, and they didn't know about my past. As I spotted Ellie coming down the beach with a woman I hadn’t met yet, my instincts told me to run in the other direction.

“Van!” she called, waving at me.

I waved back, then spun abruptly in the opposite direction. I needed to see if the man was still following me, and lead him away from the innocent if he was. The last thing I wanted was him trying to take me out in a crowded area. With my eyes trained on the shadows, I tried to locate the looming threat.

But it seemed he’d moved on, and that was fine for now. Unfortunately, I knew then that I would have to keep even more vigilant than before. If the man had heard Ellie calling my new name, it wouldn't take long for him to track me down. If he’d somehow recognized me despite my haphazard disguise, my days were numbered even shorter than I’d hoped.

Which meant that avoiding Bailey at all costs was for the best. Regardless of how lonely it made me, I couldn't get another person involved in my secrets. I couldn't put that target on their heads, not when it was meant for me alone.

By the time I made it home, Heidi was dancing around to go outside. I walked her quickly, feeling too skittish to take her on a long haul. She would get a longer walk later on, once I was positive the man hadn't followed me to the pitifully small apartment I called mine.

I wanted to call my sister. Beth would know what to do, at least ostensibly, but I was terrified the Vitales would have tapped her phone. If she got a call from an area code on the other side of the country, they’d surely know it was me even before they traced it. It was simply too big a risk. Besides, I didn't have a cell phone, and the apartment didn't come with a landline. Since I was doing my best to fly under the radar, I hadn't stopped to get anything but dog food on my first day. I’d brought only enough money to put down a deposit on a one-bedroom, which turned out to be more like a one-room. Feeding Heidi was more important than feeding myself, but I hadn't considered how much I’d struggle to wait until I got paid before eating.

And, somehow, Bailey knew that was what I’d done; she’d pegged me correctly when she said I went hungry so I could feed my dog. The first thing I’d had to eat in a week was the cookie she’d shoved in my face, and I’d almost ruined that chance with my distrust of other people. It wasn't that I thought she’d hurt me, but that I didn't like being touched at all. After what I’d been through, even a gentle touch was off-limits.

Bored out of my mind after a few hours, I leashed Heidi and took off again, finding my way through the quiet alleys after dark. Without citizens wandering around, there was less danger if someone found me and tried to hurt me. There wouldn't be any collateral damage that way—except maybe to them. Heidi knew what she was doing, and I wasn't afraid to beat someone to death if it would save my life.

Hunching down in the collar of my jacket, I passed the back side of the convenience store, tensing when I realized someone was on their break having a smoke. Without looking up, I kept walking, and my dog didn't even lift her head to acknowledge them. Human interaction made me itchy, but the lack of it made me stir-crazy. What a dichotomy my life had turned out to be.

A mean son of a bitch turned sour by life and destiny, doing illegal shit without worrying about the consequences, was the man I used to be. By chance and maybe a bit of strategy, I’d gotten out of my circumstances and escaped the guillotine waiting for me. But death was coming in one form or another, whether I thought I could hide from it successfully or not.

Hearing laughter, I turned my head to see down the alleyway to the next block. My stomach clenched when I realized it was Bailey and some guy standing outside the back door of the bakery. She grabbed his forearm as if to steady herself, and my vision wavered.

“You’re full of shit, Jeremy!”

He laughed too. “Not even a little bit. You know that’s how it went.”

I let Heidi sniff around a dumpster while I watched, frozen to my spot. I was far enough away that they wouldn't catch me watching unless I brought attention to myself, but I was naturally good at blending into the dark.

“I remember it quite differently,” Bailey added, a huge grin on her face. The light over the back door was just enough to illuminate her face, and there was no denying how carefree she looked.

Jealousy surged through me, and I couldn't tamp it down no matter how hard I tried. I had no right to her life, her laughter, or to belong in her memories. She wasn't mine, wouldn't ever be mine, and yet I stood there wishing it could be otherwise.

A woman like that would keep me on my toes. She’d be my match in temperament and intellect, but she was so much better than me. My moral compass had rotted long ago, while she was pure and sweet. Innocent.

Once again, I wished I could call Beth for advice. She’d probably tell me to get my head out of my ass, but the situation was more complicated than that. Just as I wouldn't drag my sister into my mess, neither would I drag down a complete stranger.

Even one who’d gotten so far under my skin I feared she was permanently etched there.

Chapter 6

Bailey

It had been a long time since Jeremy had been my boyfriend, but it would be fair to still call him my friend. I didn't see him very often, especially since he was out on the water most of the time.

But he wanted to tell me he was getting engaged, and we’d had dinner at Corner Cafe to celebrate. Ellie had let me lock up, and I walked Jeremy out to his car.

It was nice to reminisce about high school, except for the part where he tried to remind me of my first car accident. I’d gotten sun-blinded on the way to deliver a pizza, and he would never let me live it down.

“You were just as embarrassed then as you are now,” he said with another laugh.

“It’s pretty pathetic to let something like that happen to you when you’ve grown up with it your whole life.” There was one point downtown where you couldn't avoid it at sunset, no matter how dark your sunglasses or how great your visor.

Worse, I’d rear-ended the pastor’s wife, and then they’d prayed for me at the next Sunday service.

Which might or might not have been because I kept swearing about the goddamn sun, and since I wasn't a parishioner, they just knew I was going to hell without their intervention.