Page 50 of Secret Sins

"I know she'd be proud of who you are now."

His brows narrowed. "How can you possibly know that?"

I shrugged. "It's how I'd feel if you were my brother. It's how I feel about you now."

"Proud of me?" he scoffed. At my nod, he continued. "For what? Running like a coward?"

"For turning your life around. Being someone worthy of pride, Van."

"Every day, I wonder if I did the right thing. If I hadn't taken the deal, Beth would never have had the chance of being a target."

"You think she's a target?" The thought hadn't crossed my mind.

"She could be. Easily. Just because I ran without telling her where doesn't mean those guys would believe her." Restlessly, Van paced my small living room. "We have different last names, but she's my attorney of record. It would be simple to find her maiden name and realize she's only my lawyer because we're related. If they hurt her to get to me . . ."

He didn't have to complete his sentence for me to understand the gravity of the situation. "But they're in prison now, right?"

"The brothers are."

"Has someone taken up the business behind them? I mean, for all you know, they've disbanded."

"It's not Robin Hood's band of merry men, Bailey." His voice lashed out, and I nearly cringed. "I took money out of their pockets and fucked up their business. I betrayed them, and the mob doesn't take that lightly."

"Is there any way to contact her? Anything at all?"

Coming to a stop near me, Van closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "I could buy an untraceable burner phone. Fuck, I could call her from here if I knew no one was watching her or did something like tap her phone, but I have no guarantees."

"I understand." Reaching out, I took his hand. "Listen, whatever you want, we'll do it. If you want to go inland to buy a phone, we'll do it. If you want to go grocery shopping for real, we'll do that."

"What if all I want to do is curl up with you? If I want you to show me what love is supposed to be like in the real world?"

"What makes you think I know?"

The small grin he gave me was lopsided. "I've seen it inside you. It practically radiates from your aura or some shit. With your friends, with Riley and Jay, who are your family for all intents and purposes."

My heart rate picked up when he stepped closer.

"You've shown it to me." Framing my face between his large hands, he kissed my forehead. "You've shown me repeatedly."

Had I done that? Had I shown him what love was meant to look like when I hardly knew myself?

"I didn't want to tangle you up in all of this." Pulling me into his embrace, Van hugged me tightly. "I fell for you against my will, and nothing I tried could make it otherwise."

My mouth had gone dry. "It's not bad to love me."

"But it is terrifying."

"It's not supposed to be." Clinging to him, I grasped the back of his t-shirt in my fist.

"Yeah, it is." He rested his head on top of mine. "It's a free fall, the both of us left without a parachute. The ground is rushing toward us at breakneck speed, and our only hope is to hold on to each other and never let go."

Pulling back a bit, he pressed his mouth to mine. The scent and taste of him exploded on my tongue, the sense of being cradled as gently as a newborn baby invading my thoughts. "You're no villain, Van Davies."

His lips curved against mine. "Maybe not anymore, but only because you give me a reason to be better."

This man was more than enough to go through life with, regardless of how bumpy the ride might be. "Well, if we're crashing to the ground, we'd damn sure better do it together."

"I wouldn't want to fall with anyone but you, love."