Page 51 of Secret Sins

With those words, he kissed me, holding me snugly against his body. Unsteady on my feet, all I had was Van to clutch onto, to hope he would actually be there to catch me when things became too fast and too dangerous. Though I trusted him with my heart, I wasn't yet positive I could trust him to hold fast in rough waters. If we capsized, I needed him to be my life raft the same way I would be his.

"You know I love you like crazy," I said.

"That's a miracle in and of itself." But he kissed me again, threading his hands through my hair. "I love you the same, Bailey. You're all I have."

Somehow, I'd find a way to ensure he had more than that. Everyone deserved a family of their own, and he was no exception.

Chapter 19

Van

Every time I thought about Beth, I wanted to kick myself in the ass. Despite telling her I was going on the lam, she must be worried about me and my whereabouts. Knowing how much she loved me, there was no alternative. Bailey had made a few good points, and I would figure out how to contact my sister before the week was up. I had to go back to work in the early morning hours, and then my life was up in the air, but right now was for Bailey and me.

She fed me dinner, which was more domestic than I'd been with a woman in ages, if ever. I couldn't recall a time when I'd let a girlfriend cook for me, or that I'd had a companion whom I could even classify as a girlfriend. Thankfully, it came naturally to her. Though I suggested going out, she didn't want to 'go back out where there are people', which I understood. So we stayed in, and I couldn't honestly have asked for more.

"We can slowly build up to spending the day with Mama and Jay," Bailey said as I washed the dishes. "We usually have Sunday supper together, but not always."

"They're great, it's just that I still don't know how to act around people." Even accepting, forgiving people. Those were the ones who stood to lose the most by associating with me.

"You're living with secrets, Van, so it's no wonder."

I rinsed soap bubbles out of the heavy red skillet and handed it over for her to dry. "What you mean is that I'm living a lie."

"I wouldn't go that far." Setting the dry pan on the counter, she reached for the spatula I'd just washed. "Who you are deep down is who you are on the surface. That's not a lie, that's authenticity."

"Only with you, though," I murmured. After all, Bailey was the only person who accepted me fully. The only one who knew precisely what I was capable of and still loved me. Then again, my sister loved me just as much after prison as she did before my incarceration. If I could have them both in my life, then maybe I could consider my life complete. WITSEC seemed to be the safest option for me, but that meant never speaking to Beth again. If I decided to remain in hiding without added protection, which would mean breaking my promise . . .

How could I do the right thing if the right thing would put Bailey in danger?

"Don't worry, baby, we'll figure it out."

Her face blurred in my vision as I pictured the woman I'd saved in the alley. As though through a veil, I watched the scene unfold in front of me. Too late to stop my actions, I witnessed the violent rage overcoming me as I beat a man half to death. No hesitation, no mercy. Only the cops pulling me off the guy forced me to stop and recognize the murderous red haze consuming me.

"Van? Van!"

Bailey's frantic voice barely penetrated the fog—until she screamed again.

"Justin!"

Snapping back to the present, my chest rose and fell in a heavy rhythm as I stared at the woman in front of me. Real. Tangible.

And looking fucking terrified.

"God, Bailey." Gathering her close, I breathed in her scent. "I know I don't always have the right words to convey what I feel, but I wish I could bury myself inside your heart and let you bring me wherever you go."

"Where did you go just now?" She stroked up and down my back in soothing circles. "It was as though you were mentally gone."

"It felt like I was gone." Swallowing, I pulled away to brush her hair out of her face. "As though I was back in that alley."

"Oh, Van."

Bailey rose on her toes to kiss me, and I curled around her to meet her lips. She gave me comfort, security, and love; three things I never thought I'd find in this new life. Her shorter stature reminded me how fragile she was; how much I needed to protect her.

Then again, she was one of the strongest women I knew.

Bending, I hoisted her up and gazed into her big brown eyes. Cradling her arms around my head, she pressed her pliant lips to mine and swept her tongue inside my mouth. Moaning against her, I stumbled my way to her room and sat on the bed with her. Bailey rose onto her knees, bringing her breasts up to my face. With greedy hands, I pulled her shirt from her body and sucked the porcelain skin into my mouth.

As she squirmed and gasped, I ground my erection into her core. Too many clothes separated us from what I really wanted—what I hoped she wanted. For the time being, I scooped her breasts out of her bra to swirl my tongue around one nipple before biting down.