Page 70 of Secret Sins

"I know." Resting my palm on his chest, I said, "You have a good heart, Van. Listen to it."

When he crushed my body to his, I didn't resist. Instead, I let myself feel his embrace, melding our bodies into one unit. My love for him was about to pull me underwater with him, and I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to save us both.

Chapter 25

Van

I had to be strong for Bailey and for myself. She was right about that. Running was easier, and it had become the simple choice. It used to be that I never backed down from a fight. Prison had changed that about me when I learned that fighting made things worse. Over time, they had beaten the urge to defend myself right out of me, but Bailey was worth more than that to me. I needed her like I needed air to breathe, and I would do whatever it took to keep her in my life.

I came back down the stairs from retrieving Heidi and stopped in front of a bulletin board mounted on the wall by the bathrooms. There were job postings, yard sales, and local events pinned to the board. One sea-foam green paper caught my eye:

Train To Be A Vet Tech While Working In The Kennels.

Ripping the paper from the cork, I carried it with me next door. Ellie and Rory stood near the refreshment table, fooling no one with their carefully blank expressions. Clearly, I was the topic of conversation, since they fell silent when they saw me.

"Oh, you brought your girl!" Rory exclaimed, moving closer and dropping to the floor in a fluid motion. "Heidi, right?"

Confirming Ro was correct, Heidi thumped her tail at the sound of her name. The two of them spent a few minutes focused on each other, so I took the opportunity to watch Bailey. Her eyes were red and her cheeks flushed. Some of her hair had escaped the bandana she liked to wear, and the wispy bits flattered her face.

"Look what I found." Holding out the paper, I said, "I bet I could bring Heidi with me."

Bailey's relieved smile brightened her face. "That position would suit you."

"The hours are probably early, but certainly better than what I'm used to." Tentatively, I reached out to curl errant strands behind her ear. "So I can be a permanent citizen of Port Townsend."

Ellie had sidled over to Rory and Heidi, but she glanced over at my words. I wondered what exactly they'd said about me while I was next door.

"Can we take Heidi to the park?" Ellie asked.

"Oh, yeah, of course. She'd love that."

When Bailey and I were alone, she took my hand and led me deeper into the store. The place was empty, maybe because everyone was enjoying the water on a sunny day. I felt nervous, positive she was about to break up with me.

"Bailey, I—"

But she interrupted me with a hand in the air. "Deep down, Van, what do you want?"

"You. Without a doubt." As if she had to ask.

"Yet, despite wanting me, you would take off in a heartbeat if shit got tough."

Sighing, I wondered how my life had been reduced to this. "Not from any tiny argument or issue, Bailey. To save your precious life." I wish she could understand the difference. Running was a last-ditch option, and I'd only do it if I thought someone was using her to get to me.

"I want to talk to either Kaylee or Eric. If they can determine who this guy is, that's one less thing to worry about."

She had a point. We'd spent so much time, so much effort, building this relationship from what was left of my decaying soul. My instincts were to protect her at all costs, even if it ruined me. If I had to put her in danger to keep us together, could I do that? Did I build this ship from the ground up, only to wreck it at the first hint of a storm?

"Bailey, I want to fight for you." The words were nothing less than the truth, but they scared the ever-living fuck out of me. "No matter how difficult it becomes."

"I want that, too." Tears had built in her eyes again, and I refrained from wiping them away. "But only if I know you'll stick with me. It's too hard to be on the edge all the time, thinking you'll leave me at the slightest hint of danger."

"Saving yourself over me makes sense. It's like when they tell you to put on your oxygen mask first before helping others." And this baby was going down in flames if I couldn't pull up at the last second. If we crashed, there wouldn't be any coming back from the wreckage.

With a light kiss, Bailey said, "Only because I can't help you if I pass out from lack of oxygen. Not because I love you any less."

My head throbbed. "One thing is for certain; we need to find out who this is."

"Yes, I agree. The worry is too much for either of us, and it could turn out to be nothing."