Page 31 of This is Me

It felt like the weight of the world was lifting off my shoulders as I let it all out.

“Since I was about twelve,” I replied, doing my best not to choke up, though I was struggling to do so.

“I had no idea, Pete, and I’m sorry if I ever made it hard for you.”

Blaire pulled me into another hug and dug her face into my neck. As she did so, I felt another wave of relief ripple through my body. Everything that I was afraid of and all of the thoughts in my head that had kept me from telling anyone seemed to vanish for a few moments as I took in all of Blaire. Her warmth, her scent, and the feeling of security she gave me.

“Can I ask, why now?” Blaire asked, not moving from the position she was in, causing her voice to become muffled.

I took a deep, shaky breath before I spoke. My voice cracked as I did.

“Alcohol. My head hurts. I don’t know. I’m just tired. Tired of not being myself. Tired of hiding. I don’t want it to be like that anymore. It’s like I can’t breathe. Like my head’s stuck underwater, and I just can’t find the surface. Until now.”

“Peter…” Blaire hummed as I took a pause and drew in another shaky breath.

“It’s okay, Blaire. Thank you for being here,” was all I could say as we both lay in silence within each other’s embrace.

Seconds turned into minutes, and I knew that I would have to try and get out of bed and start cleaning the house. At least, I thought I had to clean the house. Carefully, I pushed Blaire, and she lifted herself off me, and I opened my eyes to look at her smiling down at me.

“I’m proud of you, Pete,” Blaire stated, wiping her eyes. “This doesn’t change anything. Okay? I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I murmured as Blaire’s words washed over me.

That was all I wanted. I wanted nothing to change. All the years that I had kept who I was to myself was in the fear that everything would change. In the fear I would lose the people I cared about the most, and I would have to rebuild myself and who I was. Blaire may not have known the weight that her words had held, but hearing them meant more to me than I could have ever explained.

“You still look like crap though,” Blaire said with a laugh. “Alcohol doesn’t suit you.”

“Thanks. Just what I needed to hear.”

“You should get some more sleep.”

“I do feel like I need more sleep. A light coma might be helpful.”

“Do you want some more water?” Blaire asked, and I nodded gently, not wanting my head to explode.

With another smile, Blaire pushed herself off my bed and walked to the door, only to be stopped by my bedroom door opening and my brother walking in.

“Good afternoon, children!” he shouted, smiling when I groaned and dug my head into my pillow. “Jesus, Dipstick, you look like shit.”

“I was going to thank you for the party, but now I’m just going to call you a slut. You slut.”

“So, I’m guessing you enjoyed the party?” Brad asked, and I heard Blaire snort.

“Not to give you the satisfaction, but you did a moderate job,” she said before I heard her footsteps moving out of my room.

I pulled my head out of my pillows and rolled to look at Brad who was standing in the middle of my room, staring at me with a look I’d never seen on him before.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes,” he said, quickly replacing the look with a smile and taking a step closer to me.

“Some of the games were a hit and miss,” I replied, trying my best to keep my eyes open.

“Well, some of my friends helped with those. They’re all idiots. Though, I did agree with them,” Brad pondered, and I rolled my eyes, causing blinding pain to ripple through my head, and I groaned.

“Are you good?” Brad asked, taking another step forward. “Apart from the whole looking like death thing. What I mean is, are you okay?”

“I gathered that from the first time you said it. You didn’t have to reiterate. I’m fine.”

After telling Blaire who I was, I didn’t feel as bad about lying to Brad. Although it didn’t feel like I was lying. I was fine. Since Brad was sidelining the hangover part of how I was feeling, I decided to as well, and ignoring that, I was feeling fine. I would finally be able to be myself with someone. Yes, it would only be with one person, but it was a start.