Page 34 of This is Me

Advice

The silence that followed what I said wasn’t piercing or too uncomfortable, but it did feel as though I was being strangled. Either that, or I had suddenly become allergic to oxygen. Which, in the situation I had found myself in, I wouldn’t oppose that.

“Are you for real?” Blaire asked, her mouth still gaping, making the silence start to become awkward.

“Yes. No. Maybe?” Of course, I was ‘for real’, but in the conversation I was having, it felt as though I had become unsure.

“We are talking about Leroy Addins, yes? The guy we get coffee with every morning, and that is practically attached to Andy’s hip?”

“That seems correct,” I replied slowly, feeling my face burn up, yet again.

“Oh, my God. How long?” Blaire managed to close her mouth, though her eyes were still screaming as if they had just uncovered a gold mine.

“Uh, Monday, actually,” I said shyly, realising how stupid I sounded.

“This Monday? Like, the one we just had?”

“That would be the one.”

“Oh…” Blaire turned away from me, and I held my breath. I wasn’t sure what to expect but could only hope she didn’t freak out.

“It’s just a stupid crush, you know? Like, I’ve never looked at him like this before, so it’s just a passing thing. A phase!” I knew that I was starting to ramble and knew that I would continue to do so if Blaire didn’t say something else. I felt as though the silence would only make things worse, and the thought that talking wouldn’t did not cross my mind.

Luckily, Blaire interrupted me.

“I mean, he’s not the ideal person for you to have a crush on… given that—"

“He’s straight? I know.”

“That, and he’s your best friend. And doesn’t know you’re gay. And I’m sure there are other reasons, too.”

“Thank you for making me feel better, Blaire,” I snarled sarcastically, and Blaire looked apologetically at me.

“Sorry… I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t talk about his butt then, am I right?”

After deflecting a few more questions from Blaire, she eventually fell asleep, snoring loudly, and I knew I wouldn’t be far behind her. The room was spinning, and memories of the night before were slipping from my mind.

Taking one last look at Blaire, I smiled to myself before closing my eyes to join her in sleep.

*

“Your hair is fine. Your clothes are fine. And you smell like a rainbow. Can we go now?” Blaire sat, spinning on my computer chair, whining at me from across the room as I fiddled with my shirt, looking at myself in the mirror.

Something didn’t feel right.

“No, I’m missing something!” I looked at Blaire through the mirror and raised my eyebrows at her childishness.

“It’s a school football game. There are literally going to be people there in pyjamas.”

“But it’s a Saturday football game. It’s the one game a month that isn’t after school, so, everyone will be fresh and not look like hell,” I explained, nodding along with my words. “Plus, you know how Andy is with his fashion. Something is missing and if he notices it…”

“He’ll what? Not tell you that you look fabulous?” Blaire chuckled at her own words, and I turned to face her. “Besides, isn’t it Leroy you should be trying to impress?”

“Don’t start this.” I moved across the room and sat on my bed, dragging my good pair of shoes out from underneath it.

“Tease you about your crush? What would be the point of knowing if I can’t?” Blaire stopped spinning in my chair and stood up, swaying on the spot and trying to rebalance herself. “It’s alright. I’ll only tease you in private.”

“That doesn’t make it any better.”