Page 65 of This is Me

“We aren’t doing that this morning,” Blaire muttered as I reached my bag and began grabbing my school’s uniform out of it.

“What, why?”

“I’m not sure. Andy just said they needed to do something,” Blaire said, slowly clambering off the mattress.

“Maybe I should ring him,” I muttered to myself, clutching my school clothes and trying to keep my thoughts in check.

It wouldn’t be because of me. It couldn’t be. They said they were okay, and that nothing would change. That, however, would mean there was something else going on, and I couldn’t help but think it had something to do with Leroy’s dad.

“Do whatever, just get out of my way. I need to shower.”

Blaire shoved me out of the way to open her closest and get her uniform out while I looked down at my phone again, looking at the missed call notifications.

The thought of ringing my parents shot through my mind, but I knew that I should talk to them face-to-face first. Instead, I wrote up a quick message telling them that I was okay and that we would talk. After all, I didn’t want them to worry, even though the missed calls already indicated they were.

“Because a text will stop that from happening,” I muttered to myself as I watched Blaire walk out of her room to go for a shower.

After waiting a few moments, I threw my phone onto Blaire’s bed and quickly got undressed and pulled my school uniform on. Swiping my phone up from the bed, I went into my missed calls and clicked on one of the ones from Andy.

“Hey, Renegade Raspberry!” Andy chirped, though I could hear a waver in his voice.

“Hey… Fishnet… Fish,” I said back, scolding myself at how bad I was with coming up with names. “Blaire said you’re not coming to The Coffee House this morning.”

“Yeah, sorry, Pete. Just dealing with Leroy stuff.” Andy spoke slowly and cautiously as if he were trying to avoid saying the wrong thing. “Look, Pete, there’s a lot I wanna say, like, I’m proud and that I don’t care, and all that, but I have to go now. I’ll talk to you at school!”

With that, Andy ended the call, leaving me standing in Blaire’s room in silence—my thoughts racing in my mind. What kind of Leroy stuff could he have to be dealing with? Were there still problems with his father? Was he still staying with Andy?

Shoving my phone back into my pocket, I walked out of Blaire’s bedroom and down the short hall and headed straight outside, paying no attention to my surroundings as I thought about Andy’s words.

What did he mean by he didn’t care?

As the cold, spring, morning breeze rushed around me as I stepped onto the front steps outside, I couldn’t stop thinking about those words. He already knew I was gay, right? So, what did the video have to do with that? Then again, we hadn’t spoken after the afternoon I’d had with Leroy, so, maybe he was referring to that. Perhaps it was a belated reaction.

Taking in a deep breath, I heard Blaire call my name from inside the house, and seconds later, the door behind me opened, and Blaire walked out, coming to stand beside me.

“That was a quick shower,” I said, looking at Blaire as she brushed her hair.

“When I don’t have to wash my hair, my showers are always quick,” Blaire explained, tugging a knot out of her hair. “Why are you out here?”

“Just thinking.”

“Nervous about today?” Blaire asked, and I looked out toward the road where my car was parked.

I hadn’t even thought about what was going to happen today. Everyone would be seeing me for who I really was for the first time, and I had no idea how anyone was going to react. Especially Mitchell. I already knew his thoughts on people like me. God knows how many others shared his opinions.

“A bit,” I said truthfully, feeling my stomach begin to churn and sweat start to form on my palms.

“You’ll be fine,” Blaire said, nudging me. “Did you talk to Andy?”

“For, like, a second. He had to do something for Leroy.”

“Yeah. I really think his dad did a number on him.”

“It’s all my fault,” I said quietly, hanging my head, and I felt Blaire’s arm slither around my shoulders.

“It isn’t—”

“It is! I should never have tried to kiss him!”