Page 68 of This is Me

If people hadn’t been looking before, they were now, but I didn’t care. I knew I shouldn’t have been angry with Blaire. I shouldn’t have been taking my anger out on her, but I couldn’t stop myself. It seemed all of my sadness had been enveloped in rage, and I couldn’t stop it from spilling over. Blaire just happened to be in the direct line of fire.

“Pete…” Blaire’s voice wavered as a look of hurt washed over her face. I could still hear the sympathy that coated my name, and for a moment, my heart felt heavy. My whole body did. It felt like the world was slowly folding in on itself around me, and I was trying to hold it in place.

I needed to get out.

“I said, leave me. The fuck. Alone!”

My eyes swept over the other students in the hall before I continued making my way toward the exit, pushing past Mitchell, who glared at me as I did so.

“Aw, is the little gay boy throwing a tantrum?” I heard him mock, but before I could turn around to face him, I heard an unexpected voice defend me.

“Leave him the fuck alone, Mitchell, before I break your teeth,” Donny said, his voice almost a growl.

I wanted to tell them both to get fucked, but I decided against it as I pushed my way outside, keeping my eyes to the ground and walking as fast as I could across the grounds and through the carpark. Only when I was in my car did I find that I was holding my breath.

Trying my best to catch it and steady my heart, I looked back up at the school. Guilt snaked through my body, making me regret the way I’d acted toward Blaire.

Feeling the anger being overtaken with guilt and finding myself on the verge of tears, I started my car and pulled out of my parking spot. As I drove out of the car park, I heard the faint sound of the school bell ringing, as another pang of guilt ricocheted around my body. Trying to ignore it, I put my foot on the gas and drove. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew I wasn’t going to school. I couldn’t.

I hadn’t been driving for long when I pulled into a side road, and then into an empty parking lot. And as the thoughts of what had happened and what was to come settled in my mind and tears found their way down my face—I screamed.