Page 67 of This is Me

Being completely honest with myself, I had no idea if that was a good sign or not. I had known these people long enough to know that that could be a standard greeting or a sarcastic gesture. At that moment, I was leaning more toward the torment, and I felt as though I wanted to cry. Which I had already narrowly avoided this morning and wanted to keep avoiding it.

Blinking a few times and fighting the urge to let tears stream down my cheeks, I grabbed my bag and exited the car. The fresh morning air slapped me in the face, as my eyes lingered on the school and the students entering it. I knew that it was going to be a long day, and I’d give anything for it not to be something I had to face, but I had to. Taking in a few deep breaths, I began my slow walk toward the school's entrance, trying to keep my eyes to the ground.

Walking up through the carpark and across the grounds, I heard a few whispers around me and felt eyes lingering. Some people greeted me normally, and I mumbled a hello, while others smiled.

Trying not to look at anyone else, I finally reached the entrance, and as I walked in, I saw Andy, Blaire, and Leroy standing off to the side together.

Swallowing whatever courage and confidence I had left, I made my way over to them. It was now or never.

Blaire smiled at me as I reached them, giving me an encouraging nod, which I returned, before turning my attention to the other two, my heart in my mouth.

An uncomfortable silence hung within the group for a moment as Andy and Leroy stood awkwardly in front of me, stealing glances at each other. Much to the hatred for myself, my eyes drifted to Leroy. His eyes flickered to me, then to Andy, then to the ground. He was fidgeting with his hands, and it seemed as though he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t find the words. Or, at least, for a moment, he couldn’t.

“I… didn’t want… I’m sorry, Pete.”

A cold blade slowly slid into my heart.

Leroy didn’t even have to give any more context to his words, as I felt my chest become hollow.

“Leroy, if you just listen,” I heard Andy whisper, but Leroy just shook his head before turning on his heel and walking down the hallway away from me.

“What’s that about?” Blaire said, seemingly spitting poison at Andy.

“I’ll talk to him. Pete, I’m sorry. I’ll see you in homeroom. I’m proud of you.”

Andy shot me a quick smile before a sympathetic look swept over his face, and he followed Leroy’s suit.

The final twist of the blade.

I felt Blaire’s hand rest on my back and the eyes of onlookers bearing down on me. The endless thought that always circled my brain finally came to rest as the realisation of its truth settled in my mind. People like me don’t get happy endings.

“He’ll come around, Pete. Leroy’s going through a lot. You know that.”

I did know that, and I knew that Blaire was only trying to help, but I didn’t care. It felt as though two of my best friends had turned their back on me.

No. It was only Leroy. Leroy had turned his back on me.

“Yeah, well, he isn’t the only one,” I snarled back at Blaire, somehow keeping my voice from cracking.

Of course, I knew Leroy was going through something at home. I knew that there was a problem with his father. But this had nothing to do with that. This was me. I had finally shown who I was, and Leroy had turned his back on me. No explanation. Nothing.

Perhaps it was me trying to kiss him that caused him to turn away. Maybe it was only because I was gay.

Part of me wanted to follow him. To ask him what the fuck the problem was. But what if it made things worse—if they could even get worse. It felt as though my heart had caved in on itself.

Blaire withdrew her hand. “I didn’t… Pete, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just—”

“Giving them excuses,” I cut her off, turning on my heel and walking back the way I came. There was no way in hell I was staying here.

“Pete, no! Wait!” Blaire grabbed my arm, but I harshly shrugged her off, spinning around to face her.

I thought I would have felt sad. I thought I would have wanted to cry. But I didn’t. Instead, my blood was boiling, and as my eyes trailed the hall where Andy and Leroy had walked away from me, I felt fury rippling through my body.

The one person I thought would stand by my side, considering what he was dealing with at home, had walked away from me. I would have done anything to be here for him, and he had turned his back on me.

I was fucking furious.

“Just leave me alone, Blaire!”