Page 70 of This is Me

“I’m flunking.”

“Well, then… does the rebel want a coffee?” He shot me a smile, and I wanted to die instantly.

I didn’t want to feel anything when I saw his perfect smile. I didn’t want my mind to race or stomach to fold in on itself. I didn’t want it. I wanted that feeling with a girl. Not a boy. Not multiple boys.

“I kind of just want to be alone right now.” I gave Sam a small smile before putting my head back down on my arms. Yes, it was rude, but at that moment, I didn’t think I cared too much.

“My girlfriend says that all the time, and I know just the thing that can help. I’ll be back.”

With that, I heard Sam walk away, his footsteps slowly fading as the sound of my heart shattering rang in my ears. Of course. I didn’t know why I thought, even for a moment, I could find someone and be happy. Although did I ever think that? Even though it was just a word. One that came from someone I barely even knew, it stung, and my world folded in even more.

Girlfriend.

I wished I hadn’t heard that word. That he hadn’t said it. Yes, I knew nothing would happen between us, and I didn’t expect it to. I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want any of this.

The minutes slowly slipped past as my mind continued to ridicule everything I was and everything I had done. Lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t heard Sam approach my booth again. The clearing of a throat was the thing that grabbed my attention.

“Oh, sorry. I was somewhere else,” I mumbled, lifting my head to stare at Sam, who was holding a mug of something in one hand and a small plate with chocolate cake on it in the other.

“This is on the house. I hope you feel better soon, man,” Sam said with a smile, placing the mug and plate on the table in front of me.

“I can’t take it for free,” I started, but Sam stopped me.

“It’s already paid for. Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy it.”

Just as I thought he was going to turn and walk away, Sam stepped a little closer and put his hand on my shoulder, causing a chill to rush through my body. “You’ll get through it, Peter. You’ve already shown you’re strong enough.”

Shooting me one more perfect, soothing smile, Sam dropped his hand back to his side and left me alone at my booth.

Not letting my eyes linger on him any longer, I brought my attention to the cake and drink in front of me.

“Great. ‘Cause there’s nothing cake can’t fix,” I mumbled to myself sarcastically, poking at it absentmindedly with the spoon that had come with it.

Although I did my best to keep my mind off it, I found myself thinking about school. More specifically, the people in it. I didn’t want to think about the rumours that may be spreading about me or the idle comments that would simmer in my peers’ minds—waiting to spring up when I go back. To be thrown at me as I walk down the halls.

I could hardly wait.

Another thing that kept circling my mind was Donny. Not in the same way as Sam or Leroy had been, but more in a, ‘what the living fuck was that?’ kind of way.

After all, the guy who had been bullying me, tormenting me, and almost kicked the crap out of me, had just defended me. Told off one of the jocks for doing what he had done for years.

Seriously, what the living fuck was that?

If I thought anyone was going to stand up for me, it would have been Blaire. Though, I had just yelled at her in front of a lot of other students. So, understandable that she hadn’t.

But Donny? He was the epitome of a douche. Or, at least, from what I’d seen of him. Maybe he was a decent human. Maybe he truly only disliked me for rejecting his sister. Which is the weirdest reason to hate someone, but I couldn’t hold too much against him. Considering, so far, he was one of the few people to show support for me.

Knowing it would be rude not to eat the cake Sam had given me—damn, straight, Sam—I slowly began to eat it while taking a few sips from my drink, which I discovered was hot chocolate, made almost perfectly.

When I finished, I sat in silence. The plate and mug pushed to the side as I fell back into my thoughts. I crossed my arms on the table and rested my head on them. My mind wandered to my family.

I knew it was stupid of me to run away as I had. To keep avoiding my family like it would make a difference. They were going to think what they were, no matter how much I distanced myself from them. I needed to face the facts, whatever they were.

Fact number one—Bradly accepted me. No matter what happened, I had one family member who still cared for me.

Fact number two— I still had Blaire and Andy. Whenever I was ready.

As much as the guilt of yelling at Blaire and ditching Andy troubled me, it was a comfort to know that I could still go to them, and I would.