Page 97 of This is Me

Collision Course

The rest of the month went by rather quick, which I didn’t hate. I loved being at home again, but every time I was alone with my mum or dad, they wanted to talk about me. Which isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it was starting to get weirdly personal. So, I was thrilled that it seemed my time alone with them was limited.

Apart from the questions from my parents, my home life had improved a lot. Even more so than before I was out as gay. I was finding it easier to be myself and to talk about things I never would have spoken about before. For example, how attractive I found Tom Holland. Those things, however, were mainly discussed with Brad, but considering I never used to talk about them, it was a massive improvement.

The poster he had bought me now hung on the back of my bedroom door, which made Brad extremely happy that I had actually hung it up.

“Next time, I will get you porn,” he had said, laughing hysterically at how quickly my face flushed red.

To say the least, it was nice to be back—to be home again. Even if my brother was still an asshole.

Outside of my home, however, things were far from where I would like them to be.

My anger for Leroy, while still prominent, had died down, mainly due to the constant barrage of ‘pleases’ and ‘it isn’t like that’ from Andy. I was never given any insight on what was happening or what was wrong, but I didn’t want to lose another friend, so I pulled myself in check.

Andy had always been able to make me see things a little clearer, and while, yes, I wasn’t rushing over to Leroy with open arms, I wasn't a dick about it.

Out loud, at least. Internally, I was constantly cursing Leroy, and doing my best to avoid him at all costs, which was easy, apart from the two classes we had together. They always turned in to being the longest classes of the day.

Andy kept trying to tell me that Leroy wasn’t the cause of the fear I had felt after I had come out. That I had been feeling it before Leroy had walked away. But that didn’t excuse him. That didn’t make me any less angry.

Halfway through the month, Andy, Blaire, and I had made an agreement to not speak about the friction between myself and Leroy. It was for the best. I may have been angry at Leroy, but that shouldn’t mean Andy and Blaire had to be too.

A small voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that my feelings toward Leroy should matter. He was going through something and needed friends. I didn’t want to take that away from him.

The good thing was, the time that Andy and Blaire spent with Leroy, I got to spend with Cooper and Trent. The only other two people who had come out with me. While they had both become good friends, Cooper and I had gotten extremely close, and damn near inseparable.

Over the course of the month, Cooper had slowly become more open with me, talking about coming out to his family, and how his dad had left his mother after she chose Cooper over him.

I didn’t know why, after Cooper told me, I felt guilty. After all the worry I had gone through with wondering if my own parents would accept me, to having them welcome me with open arms. Then finding out Cooper hadn’t been as lucky didn’t feel right. It wasn’t fair.

My other concern regarding Cooper was Blaire. The flirting had continued throughout the month—however, it hadn’t progressed any further. Both of them still stumbled over their words when speaking to each other and blushed furiously at one another’s compliments.

I knew that I had no right to be worrying about Cooper and Blaire’s flirting or, perhaps, eventual relationship, but I couldn’t help but worry about Cooper. I couldn’t decide whether to share my concern with him or not. Was it appropriate? Probably fucking not.

“Have you cast your vote yet?” Cooper asked, swinging his legs carelessly over the end of the table he was sitting on.

His eyes trailed over me as I sat on the seat that was attached the table as we both bathed in the early December sun that shone down on us. Trent was nowhere in sight, and I wasn’t sure where he was, though I wasn’t taking much notice of anything at the moment. Definitely not the countless books I had scattered in front of me that I was meant to be studying.

My finals were next week, and I may have been putting off studying for the simple fact that I hated it. Cooper, however, thought that I should at least try to get some studying in before the final exams I will ever have to take at high school.

I had begrudgingly agreed to try, but my brain was not having a bar of it.

“My what?” I asked, pulling myself out of my thoughts.

“Your vote. For Peer of the Year?” Cooper explained, rolling his eyes at the name the school had given it.

“Oh, no. Not yet,” I admitted, looking back down at my books, trying to find where I had got to before my thoughts had taken over.

Unfortunately, my mind was now focused on the ball that was taking place the week after the exams. A final farewell to those leaving the school to head off into the world. It was a glorified school dance. One which I didn’t intend to go to.

“They really need to come up with a better name,” I muttered, giving up on attempting to study and closing all my books before shoving them back into my bag.

“Yeah. It is fitting, though. Peers choosing which peer is the best peer.”

“Which is a very flawed system.”

Cooper shrugged. “At least we get a dance out of it.”