Page 108 of For I Have Sinned

As I open my door, she walks in front of it, and while I normally try hard to keep my hands from touching her, I can’t help but grab her and haul her into the booth with me. The door shuts quietly behind her. My arms wrap around her body in this small space, and her face fills with confusion.

“What are you doing? We could get caught!”

“It’s okay, I didn’t see anyone out there. So they couldn’t have seen us,” I lie, because I definitely saw two women in the front pews, praying. “I also didn’t want to leave here without kissing you again.”

My guilt from lying fades when I see her beautiful smile, looking up at me with a sort of shyness. My hand meets her cheek, guiding her towards me. Our lips meet, and the gesture she returns isn’t like our normal kiss.

This one is passionate. Slow. Full of the emotions that she’s too scared to let out. She hasn’t said it, but I’m hopeful that what is causing her to move her mouth with mine in such a sudden need means that she is starting to have deep feelings for me, too.

I am leaving the priesthood for good, and there is no other woman I want to be spending every day with when I get out; she is the one I want to occupy my time with. I don’t end the kiss; I wait for her to, and when she finally does, she looks down. When her eyes slowly met mine, I saw her eyes glossing over.

“Are you alright?” I can’t put my finger on it, but her expression seems to show multiple emotions running through her mind: a mix of happiness, relief, and worry. All at the same time.

“Yes, Alex, I’m okay.” Her voice is calm, sending a wave of warmth through me. “We really should get out of here, though.”

Without another word, I open the door slowly, scanning the room. I was nervous that the two women in the front pews would still be there, but they had already left. It puts me at ease, knowing Celine won’t be nervous walking out of here. Even though I know they didn’t see us go into the booth together, a part of me still feels a little guilty for the white lie I told her.

“Will I see you tonight for our prayer?” She interrupts my thoughts.

“Yes.” I think about it for a moment. I know we won’t be reciting the prayer, so there’s no need to go to the library to meet. “We will meet at a new place. Be outside the chapel after everyone has gone to sleep.”

Confusion lines her face, but then she agrees. Slowly, Celine backs away with a tiny smile on her lips. She doesn’t say anything as she spins on her heel and leaves the chapel.

Along with my other duties today, I need to figure out how to sneak Celine into my room.

Chapter 34

Celine

Why did I expect the nuns to be patrolling the hallways at night? In my head, they would be walking around with candlelit lanterns, making sure that none of the women were out of bed after curfew.

Although I guess running into Sister Alice or one of the other nuns wouldn’t be too bad, but if I ran into Father Keaton? He’d probably think I was making a run for it, which would have been a terrible light to shine on the progress I plan on making.

But what if I ran into one of the nuns and it turned out worse than I thought? They could call for Father Keaton, and then they’d probably escort me back into my room and install a lock on the outside of my door to trap me inside, never allowing me to leave.

Was I overreacting? Probably.

But it is something I can’t help. Not when I know the man Father Keaton truly is.

Thankfully, on my venture down to the chapel, I didn’t bump into anyone. I silently snuck out of my room and made my way down the stairs like a mouse. It was eerily quiet as I walked through the halls, and my silly overthinking turned into real fear.

Especially under the dull light of the wall sconces. It was so silent this time of night that my labored breathing was the only thing I could hear, and every little noise had me almost jumping out of my skin.

Now, I stand outside the chapel, chewing at the skin on my thumb as I’m tucked away into the alcove of the doors. I’m hidden in a massive shadow, and if anyone were to walk by, they wouldn’t see me. With the comfort of being tucked away into the darkness, I attempt to calm myself down as I wait for Alex.

Where he wants to meet for our nightly prayer is beyond me. The library would have been perfect this time of night. Sister Greta is in bed, and we would have had the place to ourselves. We could have even gone back to the chapel again.

The memories of what took place in the room behind me flood through me. To be fair, the events have been on replay since they happened, and sometimes I can’t wrap my head around the fact that it was real.

I had sex with a priest.

In the chapel.

On the damn altar.

With holy water?

It sounds almost unbelievable, but that’s what that night was. Unbelievable.