Page 109 of For I Have Sinned

I don’t feel ashamed of what happened between Alex and me because it was the best sex I’ve ever had in my entire life.

After he fucked me into the Heavens, I did feel a little sad knowing that when I got out of here, I would never see him again, and I’d have to go back to sleeping with mediocre men who can’t make me come. But now, with the news that he’s leaving the church and will no longer be a priest? I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t leap in my chest with excitement.

Do you hear yourself right now, Celine?

What the hell is happening with me? How in the world, of all people, has a priest got me in such a tizzy? I told myself no man would turn me into a woman so consumed with the their presences, because I was focused on my job and climbing the ladder toward becoming an editor and maybe one day an Editor in Chief.

And look how far that plan has got me.

My mind wanders from Alex to the job I lost before coming here. It’s been weeks since I told her about my fake vacation days. I know she said that they will be ready for me whenever I get back, but I’ve been gone for so long, I wouldn’t be surprised if they moved on.

Sadness fills my chest, and tears begin to well in my eyes, realizing that I’ve blown my shot at working with Ortega Publishing, or any publishing company in the area, for that matter, and it wasn’t even my fault.

My parents are the ones to blame and when all of this is over with, I will cut off all contact with them because if they are capable of tricking me into joining a convent, what else are they capable of? The sadness turns into anger, but the tears remain.

I attempt to blink them away when I hear a noise coming from my left. My body stiffens, and my focus returns to my surroundings. Slightly peeking my head out of the shadow, I find Alex walking towards me. A sigh of relief leaves me, and I step out from where I am hiding. His eyes immediately find me, and a dimpled grin spreads across his face.

“Hey, you,” he says, his smile growing wider as he approaches me.

When he stands in front of me, his hand cups the side of my neck, and he pulls me in for kiss. The gesture feels so normal. Everything feels natural with him, and it’s so strange to me. This thing between us was supposed to be just hooking up, so why is it beginning to feel like more? Why does the thought of having to leave this convent without him make my heart twist in pain?

“Hey,” I finally say when he steps away from me. “So where are we going?”

“My room,” he says nonchalantly and holds out his hand.

I stare down at his palm before glancing back up at him. “Your room? Isn’t that a little risky?”

He chuckles. “Celine, I fucked you on the altar in the chapel. If anything, that was riskier than sneaking you back to my bedroom.”

“I guess so.” I mull over his words, but still feel doubt in my stomach. “Are you sure you don’t want to just go to the library? It’s empty and⁠—”

“Celine.” The way he says my name in a raspy tone has chills running down my spine. Alex closes the distance between us, tilting my chin as he says, “I would really like to fuck you in a bed.”

Heat floods my body, and I whisper, “Okay.”

With a smirk, he drops his hand from my face and intertwines our fingers. We are slow with our steps, careful not to make any loud sounds as we head down the hall that leads to the corridor where his bedrooms are. Alex turns the door handle gently, and the door creaks faintly as he pushes it open. Both of us freeze in our spots, my body tensing up as we wait to hear any other noise beyond the door.

Once we know the coast is clear, Alex moves over the threshold and allows me to get a step ahead of him while he softly shuts the door. He turns back towards me, lifting a finger to point to the second door from the one we just came in from.

I glance at it for a moment before finding his gaze again. His finger is now up to his mouth, warning me to be quiet, and he mouths, “Keaton.”

With how slow and quiet I’m moving, I’m not worried about Father Keaton hearing my footsteps, but I’m afraid that he might be able to hear how loud my heart is pounding in my chest. I hold my breath as we pass his room, my chest growing tight, but I don’t exhale until we are a few doors down.

We continue to venture through the long hall until Alex stops outside a door at the very end. With a twist of the handle, he swings it open; thankfully, this one doesn’t squeak, and he gestures for me to get inside.

When I’m in the safety of his room, my shoulders relax, and I feel like I can breathe normally again. I hear him shut the door behind me, and the slight sound of something clicking reaches my ears. When I twist to face him, I see his hand leaving the lock on the doorknob.

“Need to be careful,” he says.

My head dips in a nod, and my attention goes back to his room, surprised by what I find. I’d figured all of our rooms in the convent were identical, but I guess it makes sense that a priest’s bedroom would be bigger than mine. He even has his own bathroom. Not fair. But there’s no window. I frown at the fact that no natural light that can shine in here. The lack of a window makes it feel almost like a dungeon.

My eyes trail from the beige walls to the full-size bed to my right. Of course, it is also bigger than the one in my room and looks like it has a thicker mattress than mine. At the end of his bed is a chest, and before I can think about it, my feet take me to it.

I kneel in front of the box, my hands running along the smooth surface before curving over the edge. My eyes dip down to the front, where I see there is no lock, making it easy to access.

When I start to open it, Alex says, “Don’t look in there.”

I’m mid lift, and my hand pauses. I should listen to him, but now I’m curious as to what he could be hiding. Without glancing his way, I raise the lid of the trunk the rest of the way and grow confused. I’m not even sure what I’m looking at. A whip of some sort?