Page 36 of For I Have Sinned

“Is something troubling you?”

Celine stops picking at her nail, and her body goes taut.

“No.”

“You are free to speak in here, Celine.”

“I don’t want to speak to you about it,” she says with a sharp tongue.

I’m pretty sure I already know what the thing is that is bothering her, but it is not my place to bring it up because I am not supposed to know she touched herself to the thought of me.

“Maybe Father Keaton could help you.”

“No!” The word flies out of her mouth, echoing off the stone walls. Women from the front glance over their shoulders and then return to quietly praying. “I don’t need to talk to anyone about it.”

“Keeping it in isn’t healthy.”

She breathes heavily out of her nose and shoots to her feet. “I’m going to my room.”

Celine doesn’t look at me before she leaves, and when she makes her way to the door, I notice she is lightly stomping from her frustration. It’s cute.

A smirk plays on my lips as I face forward now that she is gone. I stare at the cross on the wall behind the altar and decide that now would be a good time to pray.

The only person I can talk to about these unwanted thoughts is God, because even though he will judge me, it might not be as bad as the judgement that Father Keaton would have. So for a few minutes, I sit in the pew and silently pray.

Chapter 14

Celine

I’ve been avoiding Father Alexander like the plague. I kept my distance as if he were a sickness I didn’t want to catch. When I was walking the halls, I always made sure to peek around the corners to see if he was there.

I took drastic measures to not be around him because if he were standing by my side, the floodgates of embarrassment would burst open.

I had been doing a good job until I was sitting in the chapel, and he found me. My body tensed when he sat next to me, and I didn’t dare to look at him. I kept my eyes up at the ceiling, which I was observing in the first place. The beauty of the chapel continues to draw me in.

My eyes were trained on my surroundings, but I still felt his presence the second he stepped into the room. It felt heavy and weighed me down. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would get lucky and he wouldn’t speak to me.

That didn’t happen because he sat down and wanted to know what was bothering me.

Like hell I was going to tell him. Or anyone.

After a few more seconds of sitting there, and then him suggesting I speak with Father Keaton, I’d had enough.

I rushed to my room and stayed in there until dinner time, which I’m already regretting. I kind of like missing dinner and eating in my room, but if I keep doing that, it will look like I’m not making any progress.

Which means I can’t skip going to the library again either. It’s Saturday, and I was supposed to help out this morning, but I ended up sleeping in. No one summoned me to go to the library, so I figured maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Regardless, I need to be consistent with that.

As I sit at the table for dinner, I hear Joanna and Bekah discussing the scriptures they read in lessons this past week.

I push the food around my plate, trying to drown them out when I hear my name. I glance up to find Joanna staring at me with worry.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I answer. “I’m fine.”

“You’ve barely eaten.” She points to my food. “Are you getting sick?”