Page 96 of For I Have Sinned

Three days have passed since Joanna slapped me. She has been awfully quiet during lessons and meals, which doesn’t surprise me. After hearing Father Keaton raise his voice and the sheer fear that crossed her face, I’m sure that set her straight.

Why do I continue to sit with them during meals and endure the awkward silence? Because if not, I’d have to sit with other women and get to know them.

No, thank you.

Today is no different than the last two. We sit here, eating our food as the women around us laugh and carry on their conversations. Even Bekah can feel the tension between Joanna and me.

As I take a bite of my food, I subtly look to Joanna, whose eyes have just lifted to Father Keaton. Not being able to help myself, I glance in his direction. He looks at Joanna, head gesturing in my direction.

Beside me, she sighs heavily and shifts on the bench to face me. “Celine, I’m sorry I slapped you.”

I stop chewing at the same time Bekah gasps. “You slapped her?”

“I was angry, and in the heat of the moment, I lost control,” Joanna explains to either me or Bekah, I don’t know. “And for that, I apologize. I had a long talk with Father Keaton about my behavior, and we both agreed I was out of line.”

My eyes slide over to Esther, who is watching the exchange with her mouth slightly open. Neither of us thought that Joanna would apologize. I move my gaze to Father Keaton, who is observing the conversation carefully. He slightly dips his head as if telling me to accept her apology. This whole thing feels strange to me, but I go along with it to avoid any more drama.

Bringing my attention back to Joanna, I muster up the fakest smile and say, “It’s okay. I said some things I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, too.”

The only reason I apologize is because I know girls like her. What she wanted out of this was for me to say that I’m sorry because, to her, it’s all my fault.

I’m not sorry, though. I meant everything I said about Father Keaton basically brainwashing her. And although she apologized first, her words don’t really mean anything because she is only doing this to appease Father Keaton.

Her face lights up from my apology. “Oh, good! I’m so glad that’s over! I couldn’t stand us being mad at each other.”

“Yeah, me neit—” I get cut off by her arms wrapping around me. I look to Esther in panic, but she is trying to hold back her laughter.

Joanna finally lets go of me and sighs. “Okay! Now, let me fill you in on movie night.”

There was a reason I didn’t want to see the movie to begin with, but I don’t object to her insisting on rambling about it. Instead, I let her drone on and on while I ignore her, nodding here and there to make it seem like I’m listening. While I’m dissociating, I hear her say that the popcorn was too salty and the blankets were itchy, but other than that, the movie was great.

When lunch is over, I walk out into the hall with Esther and whisper about Joanna’s apology. The latter has skipped off to the courtyard with Bekah, thankfully not asking us to join them. Esther and I have decided to sit in the hallway for some peace and quiet, but before we can head that way, Father Keaton calls my name. My body freezes at the sound of his voice.

“What the hell does he want?” Esther asks as he approaches us.

“Can I speak to you in my office?” he asks.

“We can’t speak here in the hall?” I question aggressively.

He looks from Esther to me, his jaw ticking in aggravation at my tone. “It’s a private matter.”

“Okay.” I reluctantly agree and follow him without saying anything to Esther.

As he walks ahead of me, I take the opportunity to look back at where I left her. She stands there, arms crossed over her chest, wearing a worried expression. I give her a reassuring smile that I’ll be fine. He isn’t going to do anything to me.

We veer left into the hall where the offices are, and when we get to his door, he stands to the side, allowing me to step in first. His office looks the same as it did the first day I was here.

There are no photos on his bookshelves, only old, worn out books. I’m not sure how I didn’t feel it before, but the energy in his office is unsettling. The air is warmer than the other rooms in the convent, and it feels heavier. Like it’s going to crush me at any second.

Father Keaton takes a seat, motioning for me to sit in the chair opposite him. For a moment, I hesitate. I’d much rather stand in case I want to get out of here quickly, but, going against my worries, I take a seat. With my hands in my lap, I ignore his gaze and stare at the bookshelf.

“Are you married?” I ask without sparing him a glance

“I’m not.”

“So you don’t have a family?”

He follows my line of sight before answering. “I don’t.”