Page 95 of For I Have Sinned

I shrug. “You can never have too much.”

“Your teeth will say otherwise.”

“The dentist told me my teeth are perfect.” I wave her off with the fork. “Do you want to come with me today?”

“No,” she declines my offer. “I think it would be nice of you to have time alone with him today.”

I take a bite of a piece of pancake covered in syrup. “You should go to work today, then.”

“I already called off. Besides, I have some errands I need to run anyway.”

“Do you need your car?” I take another bite and grimace. “You know what? Maybe there is such a thing as too much syrup.”

“Everywhere I need to go is within walking distance.” She holds back her laugh as my lips curl from the absurd amount of sugar that hits my tongue. “You can have some of my pancakes.”

“No, it’s okay. I think I’m going to shower and then head to see Dad.” I slide off the barstool and head over to where her TV is to check out my mom’s collection of my dad’s favorite movies.

Crouching down, my eyes scan the DVDs, and I’m hit with a wave of memories. He and I have watched every single one of these. Some we had seen in theaters, and he liked them so much that he needed a trophy for his movie shelf in his office. There are so many to choose from, but my eyes eventually land on one of his all-time favorites.

“Do we still have that mini DVD player?” I ask, glancing at my mom.

“Should be in the front closet, but it hasn’t been charged in years.”

Swiping the movie case off the shelf, I set it on the counter, and grab the DVD player from the closet. Luckily, the charger is wrapped up next to it, so I plug it into an outlet in the kitchen to let it charge while I take a shower and get ready for the day.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m in my mom’s car with my dad’s favorite films, Catch Me If You Can, and a half-charged DVD player sitting on the passenger seat.

While I was in the shower, my mom found a car plug in her kitchen junk drawer. Hopefully, by the time I get to the cemetery, it will be fully charged, which may work out since it’s about a thirty-minute drive.

When I pull into the cemetery’s entrance and find a spot to park, I open the DVD player and see it’s almost fully charged. Unplugging it, I tuck it under my arm and grab the movie. From where I parked, my dad is about ten spaces down, and when I find his gravestone, a smile spreads across my face. Fresh flowers sit in a vase on the ground next to the stone, and the surrounding grass has been recently tended to.

“Hey, Dad,” I greet him, taking a seat. “Sorry, it’s been so long. You probably already know, but I moved to California.” I set the DVD player next to the flowers. “Being the movie buff you are, I just know you’d love it there.”

I sit criss-cross, staring at the words engraved in the stone.

Christopher Cohen.

Loving husband and father.

“I’m sorry for everything,” I apologize, my throat tightening as I feel my eyes begin to burn. “I’m sorry for not being able to go to the movies until later that night. In my head, I keep telling myself that if I had just put my work down and left at my normal time, you’d still be here. The doctors told me otherwise, though. They said that heart attacks are unpredictable and that if you didn’t have one that night, there was no saying if you’d have one the following day.” I let out a dry laugh. “So, pretty much it was inevitable.”

“I also want to apologize for the shit I put Mom through after you passed. Being in that car accident and seeing you—” I pause because the words get stuck. “It did something to my brain, and I ended up lashing out. I was horrible to Mom, and then I found the wrong crowd to fall into. God, I hope you weren’t watching me at that time in my life. I hope you didn’t see all the horrible choices I made.”

I sit in silence for a moment, the chill October wind coasting along my cheeks, bringing me a sense of coolness to my heated skin.

“I turned my life around. I found God and joined the priesthood. It was the best thing to happen at that dark time in my life, and I will forever be grateful for it.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I say, “But it seems that time of my life is coming to an end. As much as I thank the church for helping me turn my life around, it’s not something I want to be part of anymore. I want to live my life freely, outside of the church walls. With Celine.”

A faint smile tugs at my lips at the mention of her name, and then I realize how much my heart aches because I miss her. “If everything works out, I’ll bring her to meet you.”

With a big inhale, I open the DVD player and set the disc inside and tell my dad, “No more sad talk. Let’s watch a movie like old times.”

I hit play, and for the next two and a half hours, I sit with him and watch his favorite movie.

Chapter 31

Celine