Page 45 of Crusher

“It’s been a hard few weeks,” I admit, and Linc hums.

“I can only imagine,” he whispers, “You’ve been through a lot. Kay getting shot, Hayes suddenly back in your life, it is a lot. I understand, but Alex, come home, please.”

“Not you too,” I sigh as I walk out the back door and take a seat on the wooden bench.

“Surely you would have seen this coming, you’re my best friend, and I miss you. The girls miss you, and Hayes, look, Alex, I don’t want you to think I’m on his side with this, but I’ve seen him self-destruct for the past eight years. I’ve seen him push everyone away including me and struggled to breathe without you.”

“I’m beginning to sound like a broken record, Linc, he cheated,” I huff, fed up with everyone rooting for him, trying to convince me to give him a second chance, all because eight years have passed; no one sees the struggles I’m having right now, no one wants to see the pain I still hold.

“And he has beaten himself up daily since you left because of it. He has physically had people beating him up in the ring,” he sighs, and I shake my head.

“You’re supposed to be my friend,” I choke, feeling a little betrayed.

“I am your friend,” he whispers, but I shake my head.

I’m drained, I’ve barely had time to think since the school shooting, which was what, three weeks ago now? And I’m beginning to shut down. I can feel it, and the fact that my childhood friend isn’t seeing things from my point of view, knowing what I lived with, well, it’s making things worse.

“I’m always on your side, Alexiana,” Linc says fiercely, “But I’m also on his, and you two, you were supposed to be together, you were supposed to be growing your family.\ I know he cheated, I fucking understand, but you are being stubborn,” I scrunch my nose but soon scowl when he adds, “You’re running scared.”

“You’re not being fair!” I snap, and he chuckles.

“I don’t have time to be fair. My best friend, who hadn’t even called me over the years, cutting me out, is finally within my grasp. I’m finally seeing life in my baby brother again after eight years of watching him self destruct,” he says, “Fuck, Alex, you know how close I was to him, right?” I hum so he knows I’m listening even though like a child I don’t want to be, “He has barely said twenty words to me outside of club business in eight years, since the brothers convinced me to take the road captain role and instead of getting closer with him again, I lost him completely.”

I frown as I sit forward and I ask, “What do you mean by force you?”

When Hayes mentioned in the voicemails that Linc took the role he was supposed to have, I was shocked. I was a little disappointed in him for pushing his friend away like that.

As much as Hayes hurt me, he didn’t deserve the treatment he got from his dad.

He sighs, “Several of the old timers cornered me at college. I’d spent probably three months trying my fucking hardest to get Hayes to talk to me, but the idiot blocked me. They were all convinced that me joining the club, having Chains sponsor me because Hayes stepped back from everyone, that Hayes would settle, that we’d get our friendship back on track. Of course, Killer had to train me and that caused more friction between us,” he huffs, “I didn’t want to be a brother, but I wanted my little brother in my life and in the end I realized this way was probably the only way, I just didn’t expect him to resent me.”

“He doesn’t resent you, Linc,” I whisper, the hurt in his voice hard to hear.

“Daddy!” I hear my son cheer, and I flinch before looking forward.

Maybe Kayden does hate me?

Linc scoffs, “Yeah, right, what world are you living in, Alex. You haven’t been around, you haven’t seen the distrust and hate he glares my way, and only recently, it’s been Kayden who has softened him.”

I hear the back door open then close, and I repeat, “Hayes doesn’t resent you,” just as the man takes a seat next to me.

He doesn’t put his arm around me, knowing I’m struggling with his touch. He does sit close enough that I feel his heat.

“How can you be so sure?” Linc chokes, and I smile softly.

“Because, despite not being around for the past eight years, I know my husband. He loves you. He’s just struggling with his emotions because the whole situation was so messed up. I mean, your dad has only just opened his eyes to see how wrong he was way back then. He shoved Hayes aside, Linc, after spending years grinding into him not to mess up with the club, micromanaging his life, he shoved him aside, and he’s struggled with that, but he doesn’t resent you.” I say, and Hayes nods with a small smile as I look his way.

“I wanted him to find himself within the club, and to see if he could have a relationship with my mom and our dad without my hurt influencing his decisions,” Hayes says softly, and I nod in understanding while Linc grunts, “Fucking jackass!” and my lips twitch.

“As I said, he doesn’t resent you,” I whisper, and he sighs as I murmur, “Next time you call him, he will answer,” and I give Hayes a pointed brow, and he nods in agreement, making me melt slightly.

And this is one of my problems – he always listens to my words, hears them, and most of the time agrees with them, making it hard to walk away.

He shows me respect, but those two acts, even after all this time, I’m struggling to let it all go. Linc is right, I need to speak to Hayes, and I need to see if he can get through to our son.

“I need to go, but I’ll message you later, okay?” I say to Linc, and he sighs again.

“I love you, you know that, Alex. You’re not just my best friend, but you’re my sister. I’ll always have your back, even when you think I don’t. You two belong together.”