Page 73 of Never Till Now

Chapter 21

Lauren

I walk through my door and melt into my couch. I should change before resting, but exhaustion gets the best of me. This week has been the busiest week of my life in the best way. I smile at the pile of items in the corner of the room, feeling accomplished. This project is something I’ve been itching to accomplish since I was sent to an emergency overnight placement. I respond to Rachel and Lloyd and let them know I am alive and well. I haven’t heard from Adam in three days since my meeting with Kelsie.

My phone buzzes. “I was just about to shoot you a text.” I smile and sit up. “I hate to admit it, but I’ve missed you the past few days.”

“Yeah.” His voice is strained. “Mind if I stop by to talk about something?”

“I’d love to see you. I’m going to have a quick shower, but I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

“See you in a few.” His voice clips short and the line cuts off.

I’ve let myself open up to the feeling of being his. I remember how tentative he was in Aspen and how he has responded to every breakdown I’ve failed to keep hidden. Life has been more enjoyable since opening up to him. He can handle me. He didn’t run when I broke down after consoling Mallory. A far-fetched thought, but maybe my guard will eventually drop and I can have it all one day.

I step out of the shower and change into workout shorts and a loose tank top. The sun is setting behind the skyscrapers, giving the building a beautiful glow. I look forward to this time of day. The prettiest hour there is. I hear the kitchen tap turn on as I walk out and drink in the strong forearm holding the glass of water. His tailored shirt is rolled up at the sleeves and his lips make me wish I was the rim of the damn cup. I don’t think I’ll ever get over how my stomach flips at the sight of him. I feel like I should have put more effort into my outfit, but he’s made me feel confident and beautiful no matter what I wear. He glances my way, giving me a brief once-over unamused.

His eyes don’t darken and devour me like they normally do. My arms wrap around my waist as an odd insecurity washes over me. I follow his gaze to the mound of supplies. Adam’s brows furrow and I understand why he finds the corner more interesting than me.

“I’ve been busy.” I smile, making my way over to the contents.

“I see.” He clears his throat, keeping the distance.

What’s with the hostility?

“Okay, I’ll tell you even though you haven’t asked.”

He motions his hand toward the piles with a nod.

“When I was younger, I had an emergency overnight placement. I had no time to pack what minimal things I owned. I, like many others, had a trash bag which hosted a handful of clothes and if I was lucky a few hygiene products.” I pick up a duffel bag and start adding some contents to it.

“The emergency placement lady I stayed with took one look at my garbage bag and shook her head. Stacy, the lady, said no one deserves to live out of a trash bag. I was given a proper bag, and it was filled with everything I had been lacking.” I throw in a pack of underwear, socks, pads, and other necessities. “My clothes were a size too small. She took me out that night and bought a few new clothing items. The feeling of owning something new and having a bag that was mine.” I pause, feeling my nose sting, but I blink back tears. “It gave me hope that someone actually cared about my well-being, if only for a night. Stacy helped me find a new self-worth after Stuart and Mabel’s. She took me out for pizza that night and gave me a reason to live for another day.”

I add a rolled blanket, journal, and pack of gummy worms into the bag, then set it down. My dining area hosts stacks of boxers and panties in various sizes covering the table. Adam keeps his eyes fixed on the piles avoiding my eyes. He swallows thickly and crosses his arms. I can’t quite read his body language, so I carry on because he hasn’t stopped my rant yet.

“Now that I am able to support myself, I’ve been saving every dollar I don’t need to invest in this charity. That’s why I don’t own a car anymore. I’d love to be able to hand out these bags to as many children as I can. I need to work on marketing with hopes of gaining sponsors, because my funding alone can’t reach as many children as I’d like.” I shrug, still confused by his closed-off frequency. “Kelsie has been an angel and offered her time to share marketing secrets and pointers. She also proofread my professional speech to pitch for sponsorships.”

“Has she donated?” His voice strains as his eyes lock with mine.

Ah, I know where this is going.

A light bulb goes off and I see through the mist.

The fear.

His long list of past burns creeping up on him.

“The only thing I felt comfortable taking was her time.” I step into him. “This is my project and I’ve worked hard on it. Your money and name on this would take away what I have worked for.”

His lips roll in as his eyes remain skeptical. “How do I know for sure that you are not just toying with me until I completely fall for you and your plan works?”

“Plan?” Rage begins to pulse through me as my jaw tightens from his accusation. “Completely fall for me?” I take a step back, feeling anxiety kick in at the thought of him wanting me forever this soon.

“You said it yourself.” His voice wavers and I sense he is more guarded than he lets on. “You’ve been in trauma survival mode your entire life. You do what you have to get what you want.” He bites his cheek with a slight attitude and I know he is faced with the dark truth of his past. Have the tables turned and now I am supposed to be his support?

His words hurt but I walk up to him to stand my ground. Our chests are one deep breath away from touching as I look him straight in the eyes.

“Keeping my dignity is worth more than any world record orgasm you can give me. If you are questioning my authenticity at this point, then you can leave and delete my number.” My heart thumps to my ears as I hold our gaze, awaiting his next move.