Page 74 of Never Till Now

“God, I’m an asshole.” His hands cup my face as his lips press gently on mine, and I deflate with relief.

“I will never use you for your name.” My arms wrap around his neck and I pull back. “But you have every right to doubt me, given your past.”

“You’re mine, Lauren.” He drops his voice an octave, but it’s his words that cause distress.

The fear of the unknown.

The fear of feeling something more.

The fear of my own walls crashing down.

The power shift he’s given me to potentially break him.

“These lips, mine.” He kisses them. “This beautiful, intelligent head.” He fists my damp hair, tilting my head back. “Mine.”

My breath hitches as his possessiveness continues.

“Your giving heart. Give me a piece of it.” He kisses down my throat, over my shoulder and down my arm. “Your gentle donating hands? I don’t want to forget how they feel on my body.” He kneels, places his hands on my hips, and looks up at me. “The path you’ve walked to get to this point in life takes true strength. I want all of you.”

“You want me?” My heart pounds through my ears and I feel I can’t hear what he’s saying correctly.

“No.” Adam shakes his head and tosses one of my legs over his shoulder. “I need you. And I have no doubt about that.”

“But we said—” I choke out, reaching the chair for support as his nose brushes against my pussy over the fabric on my shorts.

“I said that before I knew someone like you truly existed. With you, Lauren, I’m all in.”

His fingers move the fabric to the side as he presses soft kisses on my clit. My legs buckle as desire builds. Everything in me wants to give in to this moment. To let go and bask in the glory of being needed, wanted, worshipped. But I’m hit with flashbacks of those saying goodbye to loved ones at work. Lloyd was a mess for years after losing Marsha. A phantom fist clenches my heart and I pull my leg back down to step away. Tears sting my eyes as I look down at the man who is willing to endure all my pain and past. Instead of fear or hurt flashing across his face, I see empathy.

“I don’t know if I can want you that much just yet.” My voice breaks as the lump in my constricted throat grows.

Adam stands and picks me up, carrying me over to the bed. My back gently meets the mattress as he hovers over me. His forearms cage in my head as one hand delicately massages my scalp. His brown eyes are soft and understanding. His lips brush against mine, fluttering my stomach, shooting pleasure down to my toes. Adam’s hands cup my jaw, turning my head to expose my neck. His mouth feathers open kisses little by little down my throat.

“Please,” he whispers. His warm breath hits my ear as his lips meet that spot, leaving me surrendered at his mercy. “Let me show you how much I need you.”

The world stops. The sun officially sets behind the buildings, leaving nothing but the city lights reflecting in Adam’s eyes. Even in my darkest hours, he shines through, igniting hope.

My hands cup his face as I look from his eyes to his lips. With reluctance like my heart, I bring my head forward to capture his lips with mine. I anticipate the moment where he snaps, flipping me over to fuck me senseless like every time. Each kiss trails down my body like a wrecking ball, smashing down years of doubt, self-worth and neglect. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve allowed myself to feel. Helpless to free myself of past darkness, I transfer my demons over to him. He is in full control over my body, mind, and dare I admit, my damn heart.

His fingers pump pleasure through me as they curl deep inside. It doesn’t take much for this man to make me come undone and fall to his mercy. A ragged breath leaves my lungs and I can no longer wrestle with lifelong suppressed emotions. He kisses his way up my body, bringing his thumbs under my eyes to wipe away my silent tears. His lips pepper my jaw with kisses. Needing to feel the weight of him as a blanket of security, I wrap my arms tight around him. His hard length pushes against me but he doesn’t try to enter. Our tongues collide in perfect sync and savor the moment.

“God, your soul is beyond beautiful, Lauren. I don’t deserve what the universe has granted me.”

“Make me believe it.” My need for him aches as I move to position him in front of my core.

Adam’s eyes hold my gaze as he eases into me. Each stroke is intentional, delivering the overwhelming thoughts we can’t bring ourselves to speak. I don’t know what this is I’m feeling. The feeling of safety. The feeling that if I die tomorrow, I’d lived knowing the feeling of being wanted. Want on a level my heart could burst from. I wrap my legs around him, trying to bring him closer than he physically can get. I want him to sear through my soul, possessing my mind and body with the bliss that’s always been foreign. I open my mouth to express my thoughts, but no words form.

“Adam, I…” My voice trails as more tears pool in my eyes. I should feel embarrassed or pathetic, yet with him, I feel safe.

“I know, Lauren.” He brushes a strand of hair stuck to my teary face. “I feel it too.”

“What is this?” I feel ashamed to ask again, but my life has been devoid of the emotions that Adam clearly recognizes.

He pauses as if he doesn’t want to break the moment or say something to scare me off. “This… this is a level of intimacy I’ve never shared with anyone else.” He picks up his pace, thrusting into me as a predatorial gaze takes over. “This is me devoting myself to you and only you.”

“That sounds intense.” I feel my orgasm building as I push down the feelings of fear.

“We are intense, Lauren McAllister. Embrace whatever feels right in this moment.” His hand circles my clit and his lips silence my mouth and mind.