Page 31 of Anywhere

“Aye, he probably would.”

Rhys still hadn’t moved. I’d long ago put little glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. I liked the feeling of lying outside even when I wasn’t. It made me feel free of all that I was and couldn’t escape. Rhys had been equally captivated by them and snuck in to stare at them.

“I would come in ‘ere all da time an’ stare at da stars,” he said.

“I know. You were always getting me into trouble,” I said, and taking a deep breath, I pushed aside all the fluttery feelings to wander toward the bed.

“Naw, I mean when ya were gone. I’d lie in ‘ere every night an’ stare at da stars an’ wonder what ya were doin’ an’ if ya thought about me anymore.” He slowly sat up as I sat on the other side of the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. “Did ya?”

“Think about you?” He nodded. “Of course I did. Don’t be daft.” I smiled, and he smiled back.

What I didn’t say was that he was all I thought about. I’d finish classes and end up sitting in my room with nothing but time. I explored when I could and shopped when I was able, but it all felt hollow. It passed the time but didn’t provide any real comfort or substance to my life. It was as if I was on the outside looking in at a world I didn’t belong to and yet had nowhere else to go.

The distance from Rhys had made it easier to not long for him every second, but the loneliness made him clearer than any photograph. It was a terrible thing to love someone I could never have, and in many ways, it was worse to know he felt the same.

“What are you doing in here, Rhys?”

He sighed and shook his head before standing and going to the window. “I dinnie know what I be doin’. I spent me whole life preparin’ for dis moment, an’ now dat it’s here…I just….” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Why are you second-guessing yourself? You’re going to be a great leader.” Needing to do something, I stood and wandered around the room, lighting candles. I could’ve easily done this with my magic, but there was something to be said for creating with your hands, even it if was just lighting a little flame.

He turned his head and looked at me as I dared to wander closer. The look said it all.

“Rhys, I cannot be part of your decision.”

“Aye, I know.” He shook his head and sighed.

“Okay. Then what’s going on?” No candles left to light, I sat back on the bed.

He turned, so he was leaning against the stone, and it reminded me so much of when we were kids. Whenever he was feeling uncomfortable about anything, this was the pose he made, and the little crease between his eyes would always deepen. It somehow made him look sexier, and I was tempted to take a picture.

“I’ma no longer gonna be da leader we taught, Mari. I’ma second, demoted, and to a man, dat, from what I can see, is wantin’ nothin’ ta do wit da Faction. I dinnie know what I’ma ta do wit dat, or if I even wanna. Is he gonna reject all me ideas just like how he rejected me?”

I searched his face and was confused. Rhys had never been one to second-guess himself. If anything, he could be over-arrogant. I was suddenly worried that there was something he hadn’t told me. Had Rook said or done something other than the rejection to make him doubt himself like this?

“Rhys, this is not like you,” I said.

I studied every movement. I didn’t want to do this. I always felt that having empathic abilities was cheating and invading someone’s personal space, but this seemed like a good time to use it. I released a little of my ability, and it reached out and tasted his emotions. He was scared. But scared of what?

“Wat if I still reject ‘im at da next ritual moon? What if we manage to make it until me thirty-fifth birthday so we can choose one another? Or we can jus run now….”

“Rhys.”

“Naw, I’ma serious, Mari. Maybe I’ma no’ cut out for any of dis. Maybe we shoulda taken off when ya offered a year ago. Shite, what have I done?” Rhys groaned.

This was my opening. I could see it in his eyes. All I had to do was say let’s run off and he would. Whatever drove his fear, he was willing to toss away all he’d worked for his whole life.

“Rhys,” I said more firmly, and his eyes shot up to mine. I stood from the bed and went to lean on the other side of the large window. “No, you were right to turn me down. It was a desperate, irresponsible, and irrational thought. You did the right thing then, and you’re not going to reject Rook and your third now. Especially now that the connection has started.”

“We would be considered deserters and never allowed to return to the Faction.”

“Aye, I know.”

“All right, and what about Rook? You know that you’d long for him for the rest of your life, and he’d long for you?”

“Aye,” he said, his voice breaking as he rubbed at his face and shook his head.

“Is that really what you want to do? You never struck me as the man who would want to hurt your union. Nor are you the type to want to hurt me. You’d never be able to commit and not feel torn about all we’d left behind.”