Page 43 of A Beast Captured My Heart

“Not in front of Mattea, baby.”

I could see the battle in his wild looking eyes and was thankful to have Kayori there talking him out of killing me. He smiled as he lowered his pistol and tucked it underneath his shirt. Surprising the fuck out of me, he embraced me in a tight ass hug. When he pulled away, he chuckled while grabbing each side of my face, talking low. His eyes pierced mine it felt like I was looking the devil right in the eyes.

“You real bold, my boy…. You ain’t shit but a dead nigga walking.”

“Dead igga walting!” Mattea cheered as she gave me that beautiful smile while she innocently mocked her dad.

Beast spit on my shoes, then grabbed Kayori and Mattea hands, and walked all the way inside the hospital room with Brick coming inside behind him. He motioned for me to leave, and my heart pounded loud in my ears. I looked back at Stone, he had a hurt look in his eyes like Kayori, but Mattea smiled at me. My eyes landed on Beast, I saw nothing but hate and disgust. Dropping my gaze, I said my final words to them. I knew once I walked out this room there would be a red dot on my head until Beast made sure I was dead.

“No matter what, I love you niggas and I’m sorry for what it’s worth.”

A lone tear dropped from my left eye, it felt like I was about to crumble right in front of them.

“For what it’s worth, you a sorry ass nigga. Fuck outta here, dead man walking.”

Beast laughed and flicked me off as Mattea mimicked him by sticking her index finger up, reciting the same words to the best of her ability.

“Dead man walting!”

She gave a serious face like her daddy and fell out laughing. If I wasn’t in such a sad depressed mood, I probably would have laughed but this was the end of a long-term friendship. These niggas would forever be my brothers.

“Tea, that’s a no-no. Don’t copy what daddy do and say,” Kayori told Mattea as she kept giggling thinking it was funny. Brick tapped me on the shoulder and nodded his head, motioning for me to leave. Turning on my heels, I left with no problem.

I stopped at the door when I heard Stone say, “Stay safe my nigga.”

I didn’t even acknowledge his words; I kept my chin up even though I felt defeated. I made my way to my car. Laying my forehead on the stirring wheel, I sighed. I prayed that this was some sort of bad dream that I could wake up from. I cursed myself for not coming clean and admitting to my sexuality. Replaying Stone’s words in my head, it made me feel sick on the stomach. To know that he would’ve still remained my friend through it all made me feel dumb as fuck. I couldn’t even live with myself after knowing how foul I did my boys for a weak ass nigga that didn’t have any loyalty. I should’ve stopped and thought about it all. If Michael would play his own brother, what could possibly make me so special. Michael didn’t put food on the table for me and my mom when we were close to losing it all. Beast did that shit, he always made sure we were straight. Never turned on none of us even when we got on that nigga’s nerves. He was crazy as fuck, but he made sure if you were a part of his team back in the day, we all ate. The first brick he flipped, he gave his last for it. Never asking us to drop on it or nothing. He still broke us off and in return all he spoke upon was us staying loyal to the soil. When we made enough M’s, he said we would pull out and live life to where we didn’t have to look over our shoulders. Now, I would forever have to look over mine worrying about when he was coming to kill me. I couldn’t live like this, I refused to.

Sparking my blunt, I played Beast’s favorite song. Tupac’s, I Ain’t Mad At Cha. I recited each word as I toked on my blunt, trying to get high as possible. My life was over, and I didn’t get to live that shit right. The nigga I was in love with turned out to be a snake, he was now a crackhead. Shit would never be the same for me, I knew I couldn’t even face my mom because she would never accept her only son as being gay. I pulled my gun from my glove compartment, as the tears fell down rapidly blurring my vision. Before I let a nigga take my life, I would take my own. Life as I knew it was over anyway, I was sure that Beast and Stone would pay their respects at my funeral. I always wanted to know what life was like on the other side. Only God could judge me, he knew how I felt and how hard it was to fight off my temptations.

I didn’t believe when people said if you killed yourself, you wouldn’t make it to heaven. If that was true, I guess it was my time to find out. I stuck the gun inside my mouth and didn’t think twice as I squeezed the trigger.

Chapter Twenty-One

KAYORI

One week later

Iwas having a bad ass day. I couldn’t wait to make it to Beast house so I could curse his ass the fuck out. The fact that I had all my shit packed and had no choice now but to stay at his house or go back to Meshalay or the house in Cali had me furious as fuck. I felt like I was betrayed and played when I went to my new apartment to pick my keys up. The manager looked at me like I was delusional and told me that my husband requested the money back. I knew that bird brain bitch accepted some money from Beast. That was against my rights for her to do some foul shit like that and take the word over a stranger with my personal information.

My mind went back to the pregnancy test that Beast left in the bathroom under that envelope full of money. He had the nerves to give me my money back and act like it was a damn gift. The whole morning, I was excited and eager to move into my new place. The feeling of being back on my feet and living on my own had me super geeked. I was starting to feel like coming to Vegas was a huge mistake. If he thought I was at his mercy, he had me fucked up and I had a trick up my sleeve for his ass. I was about to pack all my shit up, take my ass back to California and live in the house that was left to me. Although being back at my mom’s house would leave me depressed, I felt like I needed to desperately get away from Beast after this little bullshit move he pulled.

Lately, it felt like I couldn’t get a grip of my emotions. I was too caught up with worrying about Beast. I had deep feelings for him. I needed space to think if I was feeling too sorry for him because of his condition. I was starting to miss Praise. It seemed like every day me and Beast had a disagreement. Just the other day he was being moody calling me bitches because I told him he needed to start back seeing his therapist and taking his meds while Mattea was in his care. He placed responsibilities on me to get his daughter enrolled in school and pick her up after work while he did lord knows what during the day. I didn’t mind doing these things because I loved Mattea. She was a sweet little girl. She just was super bossy like her dad. I think it was the mere fact that Beast acted like it was my duty to do these things. He didn’t ask, he just told me and expected the shit done.

I was tired as hell. It all was moving too fast and becoming too much. It had only been a damn week, living under the same roof with him had its ups and downs especially dealing with his moods. I loved waking up to him and being in his arms, feeling safe and secure. After this bullshit ass stunt that he pulled, I decided to pull away and take a damn break from him. The security following me, Beast asking every other hour if I belong to him, and being paranoid when I left out to work, thinking I was going to fuck with or flirt with another nigga had me fed up to the max. I tried to calm my nerves, but I was failing terribly. The whole ride to his house, I talked out loud to hear how I would sound when I told him just how the hell I felt.

I wasn’t perfect, I had a pile of issues of my own. Here I was, worrying all about Beast. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him, and I kept falling harder for him. I just couldn’t stop imagining him doing me wrong and breaking my heart. I saw that cold side of Beast, especially while we were at the hospital a week ago. He couldn’t even control his temper when it came to his friend Gunna. He didn’t care that Mattea and I were right by his side when he pulled his gun. He had an empty look to his eyes and thank God, I was able to pull him out of whatever trance he was in. I constantly heard him at night on the phone yelling at whoever it was to find Nia and Laquanna. Beast constantly missed important business meetings with his lucrative companies, his main focus was seeking revenge. I start thinking what if I ended up making a small mistake that Beast couldn’t forgive, then he would turn cold on me too.

Stone called Beast to let him know about Gunna killing himself and all Beast could say was how much of a pussy nigga Gunna was. Shit like that scared me. I knew he was mental and had issues, but when I really got a good look at the man Beast or Praise was, it left me confused. What made matters worse was that I loved him too much and so fast. He captured my heart and no matter how wrong he appeared to be, I couldn’t deny the feelings I had for him. Opening up the front door, I spoke to his security guards. Mattea ran up to me and hugged my legs as I scooped her up in my arms.

“Did you do your homework, little girl?” I asked her as I placed kisses all over her chubby cheeks.

“Yes, Yori! Daddy gave me ice-creams for dinter!”

She was super pumped up with lots of energy as I shook my head and put her down. I felt my anger fading away as soon as I laid eyes on Beast. I couldn’t be this weak for this man, he was so charming and sinful. His gray eyes zeroed in on me like we were the only two people in the room. My stomach did that funny shit it always did when he was around. I took in his attire and figured he had got some important business done today. He had on his nice business attire, slacks and a white button-down shirt, which made him look like an educated thug which was a turn on.

“How was your day, Juicy?” he asked as if he didn’t have a clue to the bullshit he pulled. I frowned up at him and rolled my eyes hard as I told Mattea to go to her room and play with her toys so I could talk to her dad. I kept my purse on my shoulder, I wouldn’t be staying at all. Beast was too comfortable with getting his way. He was nothing more but a cocky bastard.

“What you did was some bullshit Beast and I’m here to tell you, that you fucked up with me royally!” I tried to keep my voice as low as possible, but when he laughed at me, I could feel myself getting pissed.