Page 126 of No Merciful Corruption

“What is it!” I demand, my voice overlapping with Lyss’s panicked, “What happened?”

Lettie extends a pregnancy test to me with the results facing the floor. “I just checked the time. It’s been three minutes.”

“Fuck.” Lyss and I both say.

“I think I’m going to cry,” Lyss presses a hand against her cheek. “I wish I was there with you. Remember when I accidentally knocked the first test into the toilet and you had to drink a bunch of water from the faucet so you could take another?”

“How could I forget?” I take the test from Lettie but keep it facing down. “We almost clogged your toilet from the amount of flushing we did.”

“I can’t take the anticipation. It’s making me sick.” Lettie covers her face. “Tell me when it’s over!”

“Come closer to the camera, I can’t see!” Lyss pleads.

I pause to steady my breathing. There’s no use putting this off for any longer. One way or another, I’m going to know the results whether it’s nine seconds or nine months from now. I inhale and turn the test over to read the little screen.

Pregnant

My breath catches.

Lettie squeezes her eyes shut tight. “I can’t look.”

“What does it say?” Lyss asks.

“It’s positive.”

Lyss gasps and Lettie’s eyes widen. She turns over the other three tests on her lap.

“No fucking way,” she says.

“Dahlia?” Lyss tilts her head. “Are you okay?”

Warmth washes over me in colors. It’s the only way I can think to describe it. Bright yellow and soothing green, mixed with hints of sunset red and explosions of joyful violet. Each color fills me with a new emotion with no name as my chest expands. The results blur as the ends of my lashes grow wet and heavy with the weight of unshed tears. Whatever numbness once stole sensation from my outer extremities has dissolved and been replaced by a twinkling. Like dipping my hands and feet into starlight. And in that moment, I know.

I just know.

“It’s positive,” I repeat. “It’s positive.”

I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant.

Lyss and Lettie both break out into howls and hollers, the sound of their joy echoing across the empty room. The celebration is short-lived when a cry leaves my lips. It’s no more than a soft whimper and sniffle but soon, the tears overwhelm me until I can’t see anything anymore.

“Dee?” Lettie hops down from the sink and gently touches my shoulder.

The test slips from my grasp and lands in the sink with all the others as I bury my face in my hands. I cry and I cry and I cry until the well inside me nearly dries up. I cry through the fit of giggles and shortness of breath.

“Were you hoping for something else?” Lyss asks over the phone.

All I can manage is a curt shake of the head. Emotion tightens around my throat and a tremor rocks through me. It’s the strangest feeling—one I have never experienced in my entire life. No matter how hard I try, I can find neither my voice nor the strength to respond. Tears bleed into giggles into laughter before dissolving into strangled sobs.

I’m so overwhelmed. I can’t speak. How do I articulate this to them? Everything in me expands, ribs cracking, muscles stretching, to accommodate the enormous love that blooms inside me. Love for someone who doesn’t even exist yet.

“I…” I struggle to catch my breath. “I’m…I’m so happy. I’m so, so happy.”

Another sob breaks free.

“I wasn’t sure before…I was afraid…b-but then…I turned it over a-and…and it…it just…” I choke on my own words. “I’m so happy. So, so, so…”

Lettie wraps her arms around me and holds me close, whispering in my ear. “I love you, Dahlia.”