Page 78 of Trove’s Purpose

“But there’s nothing that people seek more.”

“You know, there are people that don’t even feel sexual desire. So, they’re definitely not seeking pleasure.”

“Not sexual pleasure,” he corrected. “But they are still seeking their pleasures. That is all anyone ever does. Life is nothing but an attempt to find the next thing that brings you pleasure.”

Chee frowned. She couldn’t say that he was wrong, but it didn’t seem right either. Every drug addict, sex fiend, criminal out there got where they were by seeking their own pleasures above everything. It wasn’t just them either. Every billionaire and millionaire earned their fortunes for their own pleasure, not because they wanted to do good with their money.

But that’s also why it felt so wrong.

Endlessly seeking pleasure led to making terrible decisions. Both for yourself, and other people.

“I’m not saying you’re wrong,” she finally managed to say as he sipped at his drink. “But I think you should be wrong. There should be more.”

“But there’s not.”

“I’m really sad for you.”

“Huh?” He paused in the act of bringing his drink to his lips, looking at her in surprise. “What do you mean?”

Chee could only shake her head. She wasn’t sure she could put this feeling into words either. But what he described sounded a lot like… surrender.

His attitude was so upbeat, and the topic at hand was one that, ostensibly, was about something good – pleasure. But the way he spoke of it, describing it like some sort of drug that people inevitably fell victim to, was so inherently sad, even the smile he used couldn’t disguise it.

But it was so hard to find a way to phrase that, so she could only hold her tongue, staring into her golden drink with a sad frown.

Trove set his glass down, then covered her hands with his own.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She couldn’t lift her eyes as she asked, “What for? Like you said, everyone does it. Pleasure is the only thing people seek to live for. Satisfying themselves, even at the expense of other people, is the only reason for living. Why is that your fault?”

“I didn’t mean…” He hesitated then, because he would have been lying to say he didn’t mean it like that. And they both knew it. So, he paused and tried again. “It’s not a bad thing, you know. To seek pleasure in life.”

“Then why do you phrase it like one?”

Trove shook his head. “If you’re a fool, and you let pleasure control you, you let it consume you instead of being the one to consume it, then yes, it can be bad. But there’s nothing wrong in enjoying life’s pleasures either.”

Chee didn’t know why she was having such trouble arguing with him. He made points that were valid and, as far as she could figure them, completely true.

It just seemed so wrong. But that feeling wasn’t one she could put into words and didn’t feel at all valid or substantial.

“Chee?” Trove took her by the chin and lifted her eyes to meet his. And he was smiling, but there was something so lost and broken in his gaze that it hit against her chest like a bullet. “I know I am not a good enough male to be a mate to you. I know that I cannot offer you everything you have ever dreamed. But I can give you pleasure. I can always give you that.”

And if it wasn’t enough?

The question she wanted to ask couldn’t make it past the pain in her chest. Because there was part of her that was absolutely certain if she asked that, if she let that be the line in the sand, it absolutely would break them.

Trove could offer her nothing more.

She couldn’t settle for so little.

But she couldn’t walk away from him without knowing this. Without feeling this. Without understanding his perspective.

He couldn’t explain himself to her, so she had to be able to understand him. And this was a big part of what he considered himself.

If she was going to do this, if she was going to say she gave this her best try, then she had to go all the way in.

Setting her drink aside, she took hold of the wrist he used to stroke her face. And though her belly was alight with a combination of golden cider and nervous butterflies, though her heart was pounding through the pain in her chest, she resolved herself to this.