Page 51 of Capturing the Captain

“I’ve been more tired lately.” I admit, “And I feel sick all the time but I have been stressed and I get stomach issues when I’m feeling like this so I just assumed…” I trail off, not finishing my sentence. Not needing to. My eyes burn with unshed tears but I don’t entirely understand why. I feel guilty for not being overcome with happiness at finding out I’m gonna be a mum. I feel sad at the thought of being a single mum. What if I tell Josh and he wants nothing to do with me or the baby? What if he wants everything to do with us and risks losing his career?

I always thought that when I found out I was pregnant, I would be sitting at home with my husband, counting down the minutes until we could flip the test over and know if our lives were going to change. I never imagined it would be like this.

“If you don’t mind lying up on the bed here and lifting your shirt above your stomach that would be great.”

I do as Marie asks, only letting go of Sasha’s hand to lift my shirt. She gives it a reassuring squeeze as the midwife wheels her chair over to the monitor beside the hospital bed that’s used for ultrasounds. “Are you ready?” She asks and I give her a slight nod of my head. “This might be cold.” Marie tells me as she uncaps the bottle of ultrasound gel and squirts it onto my bare stomach. I flinch at the coldness, every feeling and sensation heightened by my shock for this whole situation. “I’m going to check for the heartbeat first and then I’ll take some measurements to determine how far along you are.”

I eagerly eye the screen, waiting to see my baby for the first time. As soon as Marie touches my stomach, the screen comes to life.

Oh my God. My chest feels tight, my nose burns and my eyes well with tears. It’s a baby. A real baby. My baby. Sasha sniffs beside me, a hand flying to wipe at her eyes but I can’t stop staring at the screen. The small flickering of the heartbeat, the tiny arms and legs. It’s all too much. In the best way possible. “From these measurements, it seems as though you are about sixteen weeks pregnant.” Marie tells me. How can I be pregnant for four months and not know? How am I supposed to tell Josh? My heart aches at the thought of him like it always does but now that feeling is tenfold.

As soon as the rhythmic beating of the heartbeat reaches my ears, everything else fades away. It feels like it’s just me and my baby in the room. No midwife, no Sash, no cold doctor's office. Just us. Nothing else matters in this moment and I just know everything will be okay.

32

Josh

I have to admit, this charity event is actually quite fun. There’s kids running about everywhere, screaming happily as they bounce on the trampolines and play the fair games that the stadium hired out for today. The smell of hot dogs and cotton candy makes my mouth water.

It brings me back to the time my mom brought me and my sister to this travelling fair that stopped in our town one summer. We went early in the morning, before the crowds appeared and stayed until the gates closed late that night. It’s one of those memories I always think about when I need a mood boost. Lately, it hasn't been working like it used to but being here now, a kaleidoscope of memories are spinning through my mind and I feel a deep sense of calm for the first time in months.

A sweet, bubbling laugh brings me out of my head. A sound I haven’t heard in a long time. My eyes instantly find Olivia, who's deep in conversation with Matthews and Knight. Her cheeks have a slight pink tint and her eyes have the brightness back in them. The sight of her is breathtaking. She’s so goddamn beautiful.

When her baby blue eyes meet mine, her face heats more but the smile she aims in my direction almost makes me crumble. I haven't seen her smile in so long, I had almost forgotten how mesmerizing it is.

Olivia says one last thing to my teammates before stepping towards me. Is she gonna speak to me? My palms feel sweaty and the pulse in my neck quickens. Why am I so nervous? Just act normal you dick!

She stops before me, a shy smile brushing her lips. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I want to touch her. To run my fingers over the pout in her lower lip. To feel the smoothness of her bare skin against my hands.

“Can we talk?” She asks in a small voice.

I say ‘yes’ far too eagerly but I don’t give a shit. The giggle that slips past her lips is like music to my ears.

“In private? I can come over later,” she pauses, “if that’s okay?” If Olivia wants to come to my apartment, she doesn't need permission. If she wanted to break in when I'm not there and snoop through every inch of the place, I wouldn't even bat an eye. That's how far gone I still am for this woman.

“That’s more than okay.” I have no idea what she wants to talk about and I don’t care. I would do anything to get this girl alone in a room with me, actually talking to me. It’s been far too long.

“Okay.” She beams at me and the hard edges that have formed around my heart the last few months start to fall away.

“Okay.”

By the time I get back to my building, it’s well after 7pm. Olivia and I never agreed on a time but I didn’t think I would be out this late. Panic shoots through me as the elevator rises to my floor. What if she came and left? What if she’s changed her mind? Why didn’t I just call her?

I stop short when I see Olivia sitting on the ground beside my apartment door, laptop open in front of her crossed legs and earphones in both ears. She’s so engrossed in her work that she doesn’t even see me as I approach her. I stop for a moment to take her in. To study her. The frown that was etched deep into her face for the last few months has now smoothed out, her eyes now resemble the water in the Maldives rather than a storm cloud. She’s beautiful and radiant. Even her energy has shifted since I last saw her. She seems lighter now and more care free.

I say her name but get no response. It isn't until I tap her with my foot that her head snaps up to mine and she pulls the earphones out of her ears so quickly I barely see it happen.

“You scared me.” She says, hand resting over her chest.

“I’m sorry.” I laugh, “I did call your name.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, Ollie. I did.” Her eyes soften at the use of the name I always called her. I offer my hand to her and she takes it willingly so I can help her off the floor. I unlock my apartment door as Olivia gathers her laptop and phone off the floor. “I’m sorry I took so long. Coach had us on cleanup duty.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t waiting for long.” She lies but I don’t question it.