Page 2 of Playing the Player

I let out a frustrated sigh and tip back the rest of my drink. Whatever. Tomorrow I can cry over Max. Tomorrow, I can question every decision I’ve ever made. Tomorrow, I can wallow in self-pity alone.

But tonight, I’m getting wasted. Tonight, I want to forget about it all. I just need one night.

1

Sasha

“IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS?” I throw myself onto my bed, the screams tearing from my throat muffled by the fabric of the pillow that I’ve shoved my face into.

“Sash?” My best friend calls from the other room. “What’s going on? It sounds like you’re being murdered in there.”

I merely grunt in response, my throat aching from my screams. A few seconds later, heavy footsteps shuffle towards my room.

I roll onto my back in time to see Olivia waddling in through the door, one hand against her lower back, the other resting against her very pregnant belly. “Jesus Christ, Sasha.” She drops onto the bed beside me with a dramatic huff. “I thought you were dying!”

“For someone who thought I was about to take a trip to heaven, you sure didn’t hurry.”

Olivia scoffs, “Firstly, we both know you’re destined for hell, and secondly,” She gestures to her bump, “This is as fast as I can go!”

Despite everything, a laugh escapes me.

Olivia’s expression softens. “Okay.” She nudges her shoulder against my own. “What happened?”

Without saying a word, I pass her my phone, the screen still lit with the reason for my outburst. Olivia eyes the screen for two seconds before her eyes go wide, the rage pouring out of her. “IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS?”

I laugh at her reaction, though there’s no humor in it. “I know.”

“No.” She shakes her head, scrolling through my phone. “Abso-fucking-lutely not. I’ll kill him, Sash.” I snort. I thought I was being dramatic. “I mean it. As soon as this baby is out of me, I will kill that bastard.”

“You can’t murder him.” I sigh, resting my hand on her stomach.

“Watch me.”

“You can’t go to prison when this baby girl needs her Mama.”

“I’ve watched a lot of true crime. I know how to cover my tracks.” I raise an eyebrow at her. “What?”

“You cried because you accidentally stepped on a spider last week.”

“That was different!”

“How?”

“The spider didn’t deserve it.” She mutters, but her voice wobbles as her eyes begin to glisten.

A watery laugh escapes me. Only this woman could make me laugh when I feel like my world is slowly crumbling.

“Come here, babe.” Olivia opens her arm to me and I don’t hesitate. I curl into her side as carefully as I can around her bump, burning my face in her shoulder. The tears I have been fighting finally win, rolling down my cheeks in rapid succession. “He doesn’t deserve your tears.”

Max and I broke up eight months ago. It has been the hardest eight months of my life. You would think that would be long enough for life to start making sense again, but instead, I’m still trying to navigate this world without someone who’s been by my side since I was born.

Losing Max was like losing a part of myself and I’m still figuring out how to even exist without him by my side.

I’ve never even lived alone before until now. How pathetic is that? I’m almost thirty years old and I only moved into my own apartment a few months ago.

I went from my parents’ house to university where I had a roommate. From there, I moved straight in with Max.

There was always someone else. There was always noise.