Page 53 of Playing the Player

And holy fuck seeing that woman in my bathtub, naked… Jesus Christ. The bubbles did a good job of hiding what was underneath and I fucking hated it.

And then seeing her in my jersey after that had stirred up feelings deep inside of me that I didn’t even know were there. I had been picturing her wearing my jersey and nothing else for a long time now but my mind didn't do the sight justice.

I take my spare jersey out of my dresser and slip it into my gym bag. I don’t want Sasha to take that one off. I never want her to take it off. She can keep it forever if she wants to.

“I’m gonna swing by aunt Dee’s place after practice. Let me know if you want anything.”

“Thanks, Conor.”

I nod before heading to the door. Just as I pull it closed behind me, I hear a loud frustrated groan from inside the bedroom. I laugh all the way down the hallway and the smile doesn’t leave my face until I’m pulling into the parking lot of the stadium. God, what a woman.

Practice was uneventful, just like it always is. We worked hard but not hard enough for Coach. Never hard enough for Coach. No matter what we do, it’s too little. We could win the Stanley Cup and he’d still complain about our performance. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great coach, but sometimes I think the whole team would like to take turns hitting him over the head with our hockey sticks.

We have a game tomorrow night. It’s a big one against Toronto, my home team. Coach is worried that we’re gonna get our asses handed to us, but let's be real, we are. We have never won a game against them, even when we’re playing our best. It’s the one team that rattles us and I think the drive to beat them has the opposite effect. The whole team thinks too much when we play Toronto, we get too in our own heads, but the beauty about hockey is not thinking, it’s running off instinct.

The familiar bell chimes as I step into Buttons and Books. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and Charlie’s baking make me feel like I’m in heaven. If heaven was in a hockey arena and smelled like this, I would happily die today, but only if Sasha was there with me too.

Aunt Diane comes up to me with a tray full of empty cups and plates. “Hello, Muffin.” I take the tray out of her hands and lean down, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I’m getting lots of love today.” She laughs as I take the tray into the back of the cafe. “What can I get for you today?”

“A black coffee and some of those brownies, please. Oh, and Sasha’s usual as well.” A knowing smile spreads across her face. Diane knows all about this deal between Sash and I. She’s the one person I rely on for giving me the best advice, so I told her the truth. She didn’t think fake-dating Sasha was a good idea.

I said she gives the best advice, that doesn't mean I'm gonna take it.

“How is Sasha? I heard her brother’s visiting.” Diane says with a chuckle.

“Ahh, so I assume Josh has told you all about it?”

“Poor man thinks a fourteen-year-old is gonna steal his girlfriend. He’s ridiculous.”

“Oh, I don't know, Dee. I'd be threatened too if I were Josh.” I say, jokingly. “Liam’s a lot like me, so…”

“So Josh has nothing to worry about then.” She fires back with a cheeky grin.

“I’m gonna ignore that and answer your first question.” I give her my best unimpressed look but the second Sasha’s name leaves my mouth, I can’t help but smile. “Sasha’s good. We had our first sleepover last night.” I waggle my eyebrows and now Diane is the one with the unimpressed look on her face.

“I thought there was nothing going on between you two.”

“There’s something going on. I’m just not sure what.” Diane gives me an expectant look so I elaborate. “I really like her, Dee. I’ve never had real feelings for a woman before but with Sash, it just feels right.”

Diane sets the freshly made coffees on the counter before peering up at me. “Does she feel the same?”

“Sometimes I think she does. We have these… moments. It feels like it’s just me and her in a room full of people. That has to mean something, right?”

“I think it does.” Diane smiles softly at me before bagging some brownies and continuing, “But I think you need to have a talk with her before making assumptions like that.”

“I knew there would be a ‘but’.”

“There’s always a ‘but’.” She reaches across the counter and squeezes my hand. “And you need to tell her about your ADHD. You can’t start a real relationship with lies.”

“It’s not a lie. I’m simply withholding information.”

“Information that she may think is important enough to tell her at the start.” My smile fades. I hate it when she’s right. “Why are you so scared to tell her, Muffin?”

“What if it changes her opinion of me? Her brother has ADHD so I know she can handle it, but what if she can only handle so much and what if she thinks having to deal with me as well as Liam is too much?”

“Take a breath.” She commands and reluctantly, I do. Inhaling deep, I hold it for five seconds before blowing it out. Diane nods her head and then sighs. We’ve been over this before about telling my teammates about my diagnosis. I’ve just never listened to her. “Conor, if she changes her opinion of you, which I know she won’t, then it just wasn’t meant to be. And Sasha doesn’t see her brother as difficult. She sees him as Liam.”

I swallow around the lump that’s lodged in my throat. “What if I’m too much?”