Page 55 of Lavender and Linebackers

Of course, I find myself scanning the sidelines for Alice. I don’t even hate that I do this anymore. It’s just what I do. Like a habit. Turns out, she’s right in front of me, and I almost run into her. Without any kind of recognition, I cut left for Dylan. At the last second, I see her frown.

Was I supposed to do something different there? Outside of the campaign, we aren’t supposed to have any sort of communication. It’s prohibited and enforced in Sully’s stupid handbook that he keeps shoving down my throat. She could lose her position. Although, with the campaign, maybe people would expect us to be friendlier. I don’t know.

I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

Reaching the team, Sully pats me on the back. He knows he’s just as at fault as I am.

At fault.

Behind my eyelids, I see her frown.

Today, all this time, all those years, no matter what happened back then, I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m the villain in our story and not the victim.

Chapter 19

Alice

Every day this week, I’ve gotten angrier and angrier at Ryder.

For a split second, after the boat ride, I thought maybe we were moving into, I don’t know, maybe a new phase. But after the game on Sunday, apparently not.

When he ignored me after the touchdown, stupidly, I was hurt. It was reminiscent of the Florida versus Clemson game where he taunted me, and I reminded myself we aren’t those people anymore, and I calmed down.

That is until I saw clips online and fans were roasting him, and then roasting us, asking if the Tarpons campaign was even real or if we made it up with AI photos. My hurt flipped to anger, because they’re not wrong. He ran into the end zone, pretty much directly in front of me, and other than stopping in time not to run into me, his eyes cut over me once like I could have been anyone, and then he was gone to celebrate with his teammates. One hundred percent, he pretended he didn’t know me, and I don’t understand why.

Seriously, what is his problem?

Did he not have a good time last week on the boat? Have I done something to be any sort of a complication to his life this season? Is this the kind of person he truly is? Is he just a dick, and I never knew it?

I hate that I’m already anticipating the gala this weekend being full of tension and awkwardness. I genuinely wanted to go with him and have a good time.

Maybe I should reach out first to try to figure out exactly what happened. Then again, why? We’re not friends.

Pushing through the doors to the practice facility, I climb under the bleachers and head toward the general area where I set my bag last night at practice. I couldn’t find my AirPods, and the locator on my phone said they were still here in the building. Sure enough, right on the ground is the tiny white case.

Bending down, I swipe them up and shove them into my cross-body bag and begin making my way out.

It’s stupid that I feel slighted.

It’s stupid that I let it hurt so bad.

My therapist once said a quote to me, and I think about it often. Especially when it comes to him. “Anger is an emotion we inflict upon ourselves based on someone else’s actions.”

This feeling, I have no one to blame but myself.

“Bro, it’s time. What’s going on with you and Alice?”

Hearing my name, I freeze and then jump back to duck down under the high risers. Peeking through them, I see the field is empty except for Ryder, who is shirtless and drenched in sweat, and Sully, who stands with his hands on his hips. He had to have walked in behind me. I didn’t see him, though.

Oh no. I shouldn’t be here. If they’re about to have some conversation, I should not be listening to it. And what if I get caught? That would be humiliating.

“What do you mean?” Ryder asks as he bends over and rests his hands on his knees. He’s panting hard, like he’s been sprinting, and the sweat literally drips off him.

Sully gives him a look that leaves no room for interpretation. It says, “Cut the shit and spill it.” Ryder lets out a deep sigh, remains silent, and hangs his head.

Sully crosses his arms over his chest. “Fine, we can do this your way. Why are you in here running sprints after an already long meeting day?”

“Because I should have caught that ball.” He throws his hand up into the air. “It should have been my pick six, and you know it.”