Page 13 of The Scars We Heal

Ellison hadn’t said anything, patiently waiting for me to continue.

“I will never regret having Whitley. If I had to do everything over again, I’d do it all the same just so I could have her, but I won’t have another child.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t have a good experience.” Ellison’s eyes flicked down to her hand then back up. It was almost like she sensed what I had gone through, because she added, “I’m also sorry you didn’t have the support you needed and deserved during that time.”

I shrugged. “It’s fine.”

She shook her head, jaw set in a hard line. “It’s not. It’s not okay. Your family, your partner is supposed to be your rock. Granted, I got lucky with Colter as a husband. He’s my anchor and my life raft all at the same time. Adam…” She paused before rolling her eyes. “Honestly, fuck him for treating you the way he did. You deserved—deserve—better.”

A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed down my emotions before tears could prick at my eyes. “It’s just a learning experience, right?” A big fucking learning experience, but at least I knew I would never make the same mistake again.

“Yeah.” She squeezed my hand. “How’s the guest house? Are you settling in okay?”

Whitley and I were coming up on about a week of living on Jake’s property, and I liked to think I was starting to adjust to small town life again. My mom was more than willing to watch Whitley whenever I needed. To make up for lost time, she’d cooed. And even though regret for not ensuring that they had a better relationship curdled in my stomach, I was happy that they had the opportunity to spend time together now. Even though Whit probably didn’t remember the times she’d been around my parents when she was a baby and a young toddler, she still clung to my mom as though they’d never spent a day apart.

“It’s been good so far. I have a friend who’s going to ship me some of the boxes we had in a storage unit so I don’t have to make the drive all the way out there again so soon. Hopefully, they’ll arrive shortly. I’ve been holding out on buying anything for the house, because I can’t remember what I have in storage and what I don’t. I don’t want to buy duplicates.”

“That makes sense. Well, I know I can’t be much help in the physical sense, but when the boxes arrive, let me know and I’ll send Colter out to help,” she offered. “Although, I’m sure Jake will be more than willing to help as well.”

My brows pinched together. “What do you mean?”

Her cheeks flushed, and she backpedaled a bit. “Oh, he just wants you to be comfortable.”

Either I was completely oblivious to the lives of my brother and his friends, or she knew something I didn’t. “Don’t be coy, Ellison, spit it out.”

“You really have no idea, do you?” she murmured, her voice softening to the point I could barely hear her.

“What? Have no idea about what?”

“You’re just important to us, Cait. All I want—Colter, too—is for you to be happy. Excuse me, but I think I’m about to burst.” She shot up from the couch and waddled to the bathroom down the hall.

What the hell is going on?

After my talk with Ellison, I drove to my mom’s place even more confused than I already was about my living arrangement.

When I walked in the house, a kid’s cartoon was playing on the TV and the aroma of chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese filled the air. Shaking my head half in amusement, half in disbelief, I called out, “I’m here!”

Whitley immediately peeked over the couch at the sound of my voice, squealing, “Mommy!” Leaping to the floor, she ran over to me with her arms wide.

“Hey, bug.” I pulled her into a tight embrace, letting her latch around me. It was times like this that made everything I went through worth it. Every minute of pain, every struggle, every moment of doubt led me to her.

Mom’s footsteps approached from the living room, and I released Whitley from my grasp.

“How was she today?” I asked.

Mom waved me off. “Oh, she was just a perfect angel.”

Fighting back the urge to snort, I nodded. “I see you made her chicken nuggets and mac and cheese.”

“She’s been asking for them all day. I couldn’t tell her no.”

The laugh escaped me this time. I couldn’t even be upset with my mom. She’d been deprived of a lot of Whitley’s early years since we only saw her and my dad maybe two or three times a year—with the exception of special events like Colter and Ellison’s wedding—so of course, she was going to spoil her now. Part of me believed that was her right, but the other part of me cringed at the thought of the routine that Whitley and I had developed changing.

Being back in Silver Creek and having the support—the so-called village I was falsely promised after bringing a child into this world—was, admittedly, an adjustment. For so long, I’d carried the weight of both my life and Whitley’s on my shoulders. Now that I had people who were willing to alleviate some of the pressure, it was like being able to take a deep breath while also having the air stolen from my lungs.

Guilt clawed at me whenever those thoughts popped up, because I should have been grateful for the help. I was grateful for the help, immensely so, but being a mom was such a heavy weight sometimes. It’d been a long time since I’d just been Cait. Not Adam’s wife or Whitley’s mom or Maggie and Chip’s daughter. I wasn’t quite sure who I was anymore outside of my identity as a mom.

“Do you have any leftovers?” I asked, and my mom’s eyes softened.