Page 56 of One to Watch

Cat:Seriously? He’s a child!

Ruby:He’s smart and handsome and full of joie de vivre.

Cat:He’s unemployed and lives with his parents.

Ruby:He likes Bea for who she is and doesn’t drag her into his bullshit.

Cat:Does Sam have any bullshit? Does he have any anything? He’s twenty-four, what does he know about life?

Ruby:Wow.

Cat:What?

Ruby:I’ve just never heard you sound that old before.

Cat:Okay, okay, so we’ve clearly drawn some lines in the sand. I’m with Asher, you’re with Sam. But what say you about Luc?

Ruby:Ugh, I hate myself for how much I want to kiss him.

Cat:Right?? He’s so cheesy, why do I like him so much?

Ruby:There’s something really appealing about how self-aware he is. Like, sure, I’m a cartoonishly handsome French guy seducing you with food, but aren’t you enjoying it? And I’m like, yeah, Luc, you know what? I am enjoying it.

Cat:I’m really looking forward to him and Bea getting to spend more time together now that she seems to have found a little more confidence.

Ruby:Wait—I have a question. Whatever happened to Wyatt? Bea was so into him the first night—is she gonna go out with him or what?

Cat:This is actually a pretty typical move on shows like this—when there’s an instant connection between two people, the producers often keep them apart for as long as possible to try and give the other contestants a chance to catch up. But I’d be very surprised if we don’t see some quality time for Bea and Wyatt in the next episode or two.

Ruby:Oooh, a new player on the board. I’m into it.

Cat:So Ruby, we know from the promos that this week Bea is bringing her ten remaining suitors home to meet her family in Ohio—that’s a pretty serious step. It begs the question: Is there a legit chance Bea will marry one of these guys?

Ruby:I don’t know about that. Doesn’t she strike you as not totally even wanting to get married? She doesn’t seem like the dead-eyed Pinterest girls who treat weddings like the end-all goal of one’s existence.

Cat:Absolutely—I think that’s why I like her so much. But at the same time it’s like, hey, you know you came on this show to find a husband, right? Don’t let me down, Bea!

Ruby:Exactly! Sacrifice your future at the altar of my enjoyment!

Cat:She just walks down the aisle to marry some horrible jerk, sobbing, “Are you not entertained?”

Ruby:Man, I’d watch the shit out of that.

Cat:A thousand percent agree. And speaking of shit-watching, are you worried about what your pet is doing in your home all day while you’re at work? PupperCam is the service that allows you to watch your pet, say hi to them over a speaker, and even distribute treats to let them know you’re there with them, even when you’re gone.

Ruby:Wow, just like my nana said she would be right before she died.

Cat:If PupperCam worked from the afterlife, I’m sure it would be your nana’s preferred means to send you treats from heaven.

Ruby:Thanks, Nana! We’ll be back right after this.

Bea was a senior in high school when her oldest brother, Jon, got engaged. Carol was his high school sweetheart; she followed him and his football scholarship to Kent State. Bea remembered the Thanksgiving when they told the family they were getting married—the whole group exploded into shouts and hugs and Bob dug a dusty bottle of whiskey out of a very tall cabinet and everyone did celebratory shots, even Bea.

Tim’s college girlfriend, Tina, was there, and Bea saw her eyes flash with envy while Carol and Jon posed for pictures, Carol laughing and showing off her ring. Bea hoped her own jealousy was better concealed. Seeing Jon and Carol together, their blinding smiles, the way they held hands under the table during dinner, made Bea so heartsick it caused her physical pain. She wanted that feeling so profoundly, and was nearly equally certain she’d never have it. Less than a year later, Tim and Tina were engaged too. If Carol ever thought that Tina was deliberately trying to steal her thunder (as Bea certainly did), she was too gracious to say so. Bea was a bridesmaid in both weddings, navy satin and peach chiffon, a cacophony of unflattering cuts and unforgiving fabrics that caused Bea to vow never to have bridesmaids of her own.

For years at Easter and Thanksgiving and Christmas, Bea and her youngest brother, Duncan, were a team, rolling their eyes at the familial antics of their older siblings and their wives—and, soon after, babies.

“Truly kill me if that’s ever my life,” Duncan whispered during an unbearably loud Easter brunch that featured the colicky screams of one infant, the biblical spit-up of another, and the full-tilt meltdown of a toddler.