Page 65 of Defending Van

“Only if you're sure you're okay with it. I don’t want you to feel like I'm abandoning you when I said I'd be there for you.”

“You will be there for me. It’s not like this is forever, we can pick things back up when you come back.”

“We can?” he asked with a hint of vulnerability she was pretty sure he wouldn't like accepting, like he was just waiting for her to decide that she didn't want him after all.

Deciding he needed a moment of levity, she reached up to ruffle his hair and smiled at him. “Of course we can, silly man.”

“No one’s ever looked at me like that before.”

“Like what?”

“Like I'm not a black hole sucking the life out of everything around me and drowning it in my emptiness,” he replied so seriously that her heart broke for him.

“Oh, Van. You're not a black hole. Life has sucked for you, and you learned not to trust anyone because your experience says people hurt you. But I won't hurt you. Well, I might accidentally, I'm not perfect, but I won't ever deliberately do anything to cause you harm.”

“From where I’m looking, you're pretty perfect,” he told her, those black eyes of his no longer empty like when she’d first met him, now they practically vibrated with so many emotions.

“Don’t give me any excuses this time,” she pleaded. If she was only going to have him for a short time before he put his life on the line again to bring down a dangerous trafficking ring, she wasn't letting him go before she felt him inside her, before they joined their bodies together, before they shared intimate moments.

“Excuses?”

“I want you, Van, all of you. I want to give you all of me.” Her hands reached for his waistband, and she let out a breath when he didn't grab her and pull her away. “If you don’t want this, I won't push it, but I'm as okay as I can be given what's happened these last couple of weeks. I'm not going to fall apart, and I know I want this more than I want to breathe. But if you don’t want⁠—”

Not getting a chance to finish her sentence, Makayla suddenly found herself flipped over, flat on her back on the bed, with Van above her, his much larger body pressing her into the mattress, his hands on either side of her head, caging her in, and a growl rumbled through his chest. “Better not finish that sentence, sweetheart, because I want you more than I want to breathe.” He said the same thing she had seconds ago. “But I want you to be sure. I don’t want to be one of your regrets or another person who hurts you.”

“That will never be you, Van,” she assured him, knowing deep down in her heart it was true. Just like she might accidentally hurt him, he might accidentally hurt her, but he’d never do it on purpose, of that she was certain.

“Okay, sweetheart, then we do this my way.”

“We did it your way last time.” She pouted, her body suddenly feeling like it was on fire and only Van could put out the flames.

“You have two gunshot wounds, and your feet are messed up. I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

“You were shot, too. I've never seen a bruise as painful-looking as the one on your chest.” Since he wasn't wearing anything, she reached up and trailed her fingertips along the black mark.

“I'm fine.”

“Well, I'm fine too.”

“If you want to argue, we don’t have to do this, Makayla,” he told her as his lips whispered across hers. Although she chased the kiss, he moved on, trailing kiss after kiss along her jaw, and then down her neck.

“Not arguing,” she assured him, utterly convinced that if she didn't agree to let him do this his way, they wouldn't be doing it at all, and that was completely unacceptable.

“Good girl,” he praised, and one of his hands disappeared from beside her face and instead dropped between her legs, a single finger sweeping across her aching center. “You're wet. Already. And I haven’t even touched you yet.”

“Of course I'm wet. I want you, you make me all hot and needy.”

A very satisfied smile crossed his face. “Good. Because you make me feel like I'm going to lose control, and I don’t like to lose control.”

“Lose control with me, Van,” she begged.

“Already am, sweetheart. You ready for me?”

“Feels like I've been waiting all my life.” Which was a strange and yet not at all unpleasant feeling. How could she have been waiting all her life for a man she didn't know existed, who she’d met under the worst of circumstances, and when she never even thought she was ready to meet someone to share her life with?

“Same, sweetheart,” he said as he shifted so his very impressive, thick and long, erection lined up with her entrance. He didn't give her time to prepare, to think about it. He just pressed into her in one sharp thrust, seating himself deep, filling her up, stretching and causing the most delicious stinging burn.

“So good,” she said with a roll of her hips, urging him to start moving.