Page 58 of Bless My Heart

“Rough night?” she asks me, probably because my hands are covering my face.

“You have no idea.”

She laughs a little. “Here, I’ll add an extra shot to this—on the house.”

“You’re a saint.” I take a drink of my rum and coke. She wasn’t lying. She didn’t hold back on the rum. Which is fine by me. I don’t want to feel anything right now, anyway.

The bartender helps a few other customers before coming back to me.

“You wanna talk about it? Bartenders are pretty good at listening.” She smiles at me, and I look her over. She’s really pretty, with her hair up in a sleek ponytail and big chocolate brown eyes. But they aren’t Hazel’s blue eyes. And those are the only ones I want to look into.

“My girlfriend dumped me.”

“Ouch. What happened?” I take another sip of my drink.

“We hit one little rough patch, and she wants to bail. Like the last few months meant absolutely nothing to her. I just don’t get it.” The girl nods her head as she listens. Luckily, it’s a slow night — not many bar goers on a Monday night in December—so she can stand around and listen to my sob story.

I tell her all about my and Hazel’s situation: she’s my professor and pregnant with my baby. You know, normal college things.

“Well, it sounds to me like she might be scared.”

“Scared? Of what?”

“I don’t know, but she keeps pushing you away. Maybe she’s scared you’re going to break her heart, so she wants to do it first. You know, to protect herself.”

“That’s bullshit. I’ve done everything I know to do to show her I care.”

“Have you said it?”

“Said what?”

“That you love her?” I look up from my drink. Am I in love with Hazel? I think it over for a minute. I’ve never been in love before, but this sure feels deeper than anything else I’ve ever felt.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Well, maybe she needs to hear it. Maybe she feels like she has to do what’s best for her baby, which means protecting herself. Maybe she doesn’t realize that she doesn’t have to do it all alone.” I nod my head, thinking about that. “And also, she’s probably a little embarrassed that her colleagues are going to know she’s sleeping with a student. I imagine that’s probably not ok teacher behavior.”

“Shit, I know. I know I should have just done what she asked, but I feel consumed by her, like I can’t ever get enough. I don’t even care what happens to me. I just want her.”

“Sounds like love to me.” I run my hands through my hair, pulling harder on the ends.

What kind of shit show have I gotten myself into, and how in the world am I going to fix it.

The bartender pours me a shot of tequila. Not my typical thing, but I won’t turn it down. She sets it on the counter before going to help her other customers.

I look over at the table Hazel was at that first night. The group of girls sitting at it looks around my age. Each of them takes a turn looking over at me. They must think I’m looking at them, but I’m not.

I’m looking at the ghost of Hazel.

My girl.

And then I remember her telling me she doesn’t want me. I down the rest of my drink before loudly putting my glass on the bar.

“I need another.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

HAZEL