Page 59 of Bless My Heart

This has been the day from hell.

After a night of barely any sleep, having to teach, and then having a meeting with the Dean, I’m more than ready to sit and stare at my apartment walls for the rest of the night. Luckily, Lexi and Caroline are coming to my rescue.

As soon as I open the door, Caroline holds up a big bag and declares, “I’ve got Chinese!”

They both pile in, and we sit around my kitchen table.

“So, how are you holding up?” Lexi asks in between bites of sesame chicken.

“Not great,” I admit. “The past twenty-four hours have been the worst of my entire life.”

“Well, what happened with your meeting with Dean?”

I push around the fried rice on my plate. “So, I’m not fired.”

“That’s good,” Caroline says optimistically.

“Yeah. I’ll finish this semester, but I have to take an unpaid leave next semester. He said they would reevaluate at the end of the next semester to see if I could come back in the fall.”

“I think it’s good that they didn’t fire you, right?. It shows that they know you’re a good professor and don’t want to lose you forever. I think you’ll be back in the fall.”

“Yeah, I guess so. Luckily, I’ve been saving money, so I should be ok financially.” They both nod encouragingly.

“Yeah, that will give you more time to be with the baby after she’s born. This might end up being a good thing.” Lexi says. I rub my hand on my belly. It’s just me and this little girl now. Us against the world.

“So…what about Wes? Is he in any trouble?” Caroline asks. I can tell she’s nervous about bringing him up. Honestly, I’m nervous to talk about him. Just hearing his name makes my heart drop.

“Yeah, he has to take the class over again, which will push his graduation date to the summer instead of spring.”

“That’s not bad. It’s only a few months,” Lexi says.

“Yeah, I just feel terrible. If I had just done the right thing at the beginning of the semester, none of this would have happened. And now he won’t get to graduate with his friends like he planned.”

“It’s only a few months. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Have you talked to him?” Caroline asks.

“No, not since I kicked him out of my apartment last night.” I put my hands on my face. “You guys should have seen his face. He was so pissed.”

“Uh, yeah. I’m sure he was. The woman he loves, who’s also his baby mama, straight up kicked him to the curb.”

“He doesn’t love me.” How can someone like Wes be in love with someone like me? We are too different.

“Girl, we all saw how that man looked at you. He’s got it bad. And by the way you’re looking right now, I’d say you’ve got it bad too.”

“I…It doesn’t matter. We aren’t right for each other. We never have worked out.”

“You don’t know that, though.”

“Yes, I do. I’m too old for him.”

“Hazel Greenwood,” Caroline says in her best mom voice. “You are not old. Sure, you might have a bit more life experience than he does, but you are far from old. And I bet you all the money in my husband’s bank account that Wes doesn’t give a shit about how old you are.”

I sigh. “I don’t want to talk about Wes anymore, ok? I’ve made my decision, and I feel like it’s what is best for both of us.”

“But how can you say that?” Caroline presses on. “Do you not want to be with him?”

“It’s not about that,” I say, getting frustrated. “Its just…it is what it is, ok? Just drop it.”