Page 65 of Bless My Body

and he said he understood. I’m sure I’m reading too much into this. I’m sure it’s fine. Maybe he was

just tired. We stayed up late and got up early. “We just hugged and said bye. We didn’t make plans or

anything.”

Stella looks disappointed. I know she wants Ezra and me to end up together. I’m pretty sure all

our friends do, but I’m not ready for that. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for that. It’s hard for Stella

to understand because she’s so happy in her relationship. She can’t see how someone else wouldn’t

want to have what she has with Ozzy, and I totally get that. I do. But it’s not for everyone.

Maybe one day I’ll settle down and have a relationship, but I’m not sure I ever want to get

married or have kids. Growing up in such a small town made me feel like I was suffocating. Every

move I made, every word I spoke, was reported back to my family, and it made it hard to figure out

who I was. Moving away and starting over at college was like a shock to my system. A welcome

reset on life. I got to be my own person. Figure out who I was and what I wanted.

I don’t know that I want to be tied down to another person because I’m afraid I’ll feel like I’m

suffocating again. I’m afraid I’ll resent my partner just like I do the town that ruined my childhood.

“But you only have thirty days…” Stella says carefully, trying to figure out the situation. She

knows at the end of the thirty days, I’m going to push him away. She knows me too well. And the fact

that she knows it means Ezra probably does too.

“Yeah, I know. We’ll figure something out. Maybe I’ll try to get ahead of my school work and go

down there again next weekend. This time I’ll bring more than the clothes on my back. The drive

home felt like the longest walk of shame ever.”

Stella laughs. “Well, I’m so glad it all worked out for now. Does this mean you’re over your

break from men?” I don’t miss the “for now” she didn’t add.

I hadn’t thought about my man-ban at all since the wedding when Ezra kissed me. My break from

hooking up with guys at school was because they all sucked and couldn’t figure out what to do with a

woman’s body. Ezra has no issues with that.

“Yeah, I guess so. Ezra and I didn’t talk about being exclusive, but I think I would feel like I was

being sneaky if I hooked up with someone during my thirty-day promise to Ezra.”

This is all just hypothetical, though. I have no plans with anyone right now, so I don’t need to be

worrying about it. What I need to worry about is the damn paper I keep putting off.

“Alright, I’ve got to go do some schoolwork. I can’t wait until I don’t have to worry about this