Page 11 of Bittersweet Redemption

“He didn’t want to go.” He says it more like a statement than a question. I assume he must have seen Roman hugging me with tears on his cheeks.

“No. He never does.”

Kai purses his lips and gives me a curt nod before he opens his car door and slides in. I guess we’re done talking, then. He reverses out of his driveway and heads in the opposite direction Nick went in. His is the second car of the night that I watch until I can no longer see the brake lights.

We almost had a civilized conversation. He said more than one word and didn’t call me a liar. I’d say we’re making progress.

I head back inside and spend my night alone.

* * *

I’m up early the next morning, partly because I’m used to it with Roman and partly because I have a lot to do before my shift at the salon. I start some laundry and clean the kitchen.

It’s weird being by myself. When Nick and I first separated, I thought it would be nice to have a weekend to myself, but I was devastated the first time Roman left. I realized that I needed Roman just as much as he needed me. Which may or may not be a good thing.

After cleaning, I change into jeans, a loose T-shirt, and tennis shoes to do something I’ve never done before—mow the lawn. It’s way longer than it should be, but it took me a little while to save up for a lawn mower. I bought a used one from a nearby online listing. It’s not in the best shape, but it works, which is all that matters.

I roll it out of the garage and onto the grass, beginning the prechecks of the blade position and gas levels like the YouTube video said to do because, yes, I had to watch a video on how to mow a lawn. I reach down and pull the cord that the guy who sold it to me told me to pull. He demonstrated it for me at his house.

I pull the cord. Nothing. I pull again. Nothing. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I try again and again and again until my arm is sore from pulling so much, but nothing happens. I fall down and start crying in my overgrown grass.

“Will you ever cut me a break?” I ask towards the sky and in between sobs. Is this my life now? Just a constant series of bad luck and shitty situations?

“That’s not how you mow a lawn.” I look up, startled, to see Kai staring down at me with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.

I don’t bother wiping the tears off my cheeks. “It won’t start.” My hand waves in the direction of the mower.

“You sure?”

“Yes. I pulled that string thing just like the guy told me, and nothing happened.” He stares at the piece of crap lawn mower.

“You sure you pulled it hard enough?”

“I think so. How many different ways can you pull it?”

He rolls his eyes. “Let me try.”

He bends down and pulls the cord on my mower. I try my hardest to not watch the muscles in his arm move as he does it, but it’s very distracting.

After a few tries where the engine doesn’t start, he mumbles, “You can use mine.”

My head snaps in his direction. He couldn’t possibly be offering to help me out. I must’ve heard him wrong. “What?”

“You can use my lawn mower,” he repeats.

I sit up in the grass and look at him, but he keeps his eyes trained on the mower. “Really?”

“Yeah. Your lawn is somewhat of an eyesore for the neighborhood. You really need to get it cleaned up. And I don’t want you to use a broken lawn mower as an excuse.”

“Oh.” I don’t hide the disappointment well. I thought he was being nice, maybe extending an olive branch of sorts. But no, he’s just looking out for himself and tired of seeing my overgrown grass.

He walks to his garage and rolls his lawn mower over to me. “Just leave it by the garage when you’re done.”

“Yeah, ok,” I say to his back because he’s already turned around and walking to his house.

I stand, brushing the grass and dirt off my butt, and give myself a little internal pep talk before I grab the starter cord and pull. It roars to life, startling me a bit. I take a deep breath and start pushing.

I do the front first before moving to the back. I can’t say the lawn looks the best even after mowing, but it looks better than before, I guess. I didn’t bother with straight lines like I’ve always seen on TV, but the grass is shorter, which was the main goal. I’m almost finished when I hear a buzzing by my ear. A buzzing so loud I can hear it over the engine’s roar.