Page 43 of Tequila Lime and Sunshine

I feel the threat of tears in my eyes, but I try to swallow them down.

“So, I did the only thing I could and distanced myself from both of you. I started sleeping with other girls. I guess I was trying to fuck you out of my system. I don’t know. It was stupid and childish, but I was hurting. I know you think I just left and didn’t want to be friends anymore, but it was never like that for me. I couldn’t stand seeing the two of you together.”

“Hawke, I didn’t know,” I whisper.

“I know you didn’t, Sunshine. I don’t blame you at all. It’s my own fault for being too chicken shit to get to you first. And I was reminded of that every time I heard the two of you fucking.”

“I, I didn’t know you could hear us.” Embarrassment covers my face, but Hawke brushes his thumb over my cheek.

“We shared a wall. I heard everything. Sometimes I made myself listen as punishment for not telling you how I felt. I had to distance myself from the two of you, but especially you. I stopped hanging out with you guys. Went away to college. I moved as far away from you as possible. But nothing worked. No one was ever you, Summer. Ever. It’s always been you. I’m the one you’re supposed to be with, Summer. Me. Not Holden. I feel it in my bones.”

“Hawke.” My voice sounds raw and raspy. I can’t think of any words that would make sense right now.

“This past week has been the best week of my life, Summer. I don’t want it to end. I want to try this with you. I’ll fly to New York every other week. I’ll meet you wherever you are. Whatever we have to do to make this work, I’ll do it. I want you, Summer. Please. Let’s give this a real shot. I’ve never been someone’s boyfriend before, so I’m not sure if I’ll be any good at it, but I want this with you.”

His beautiful hazel eyes are pleading with me. He steps closer and puts his other hand on my face. I lean into it, needing to feel him.

“I. . . I don’t know what to say.” A single tear rolls down my cheek. I didn’t know he felt this way growing up. I was so confused when he dropped Holden and me, seemingly out of nowhere, but I didn’t know it was because he was hurting. I was so mad at him back then. I’ve been mad at him for years because of it. I was too wrapped up in Holden to see that Hawke was trying to protect himself.

And we’re here now, and he wants a relationship with me. And God, do I want that, but I don’t see how it could work. We both travel so much. We’d never see each other. And most importantly, it would cause an issue between the brothers, and I couldn’t live with myself if it was my fault that they were fighting.

“What about Holden? Don’t you care that he’s upset about this?”

“Of course, I care. But he had his shot with you, and he blew it. You guys have been broken up for years. I’ve waited and waited, but I’m tired of waiting. I want you, Summer. I’m done hiding it.”

Hawke takes my silence the wrong way and steps back, dropping his hands from my face. “Unless. . . unless you still have feelings for Holden, and I’ve misread this entire situation.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m not in love with him anymore.” Hawke lets out a relieved breath. “But I don’t want to come between you two.”

He shakes his head. “You won’t. I’ll talk to him. He’ll get over it. I know he will.” I’m not as certain about that as he is. “You don’t have to give me an answer right now. Think about it. Think about how good we are together. We make sense, Summer. The two of us together just feels right.”

We are good together. There’s no doubt about that. He’s been supportive and respectful of me and my job when my previous boyfriends have found it inconvenient and annoying. And he knows exactly what my body needs in bed. I’ve never had better sex. He makes me feel confident and sexy, makes me laugh, and helps me relax when I need it most. But I’m scared. What if I give him everything, and he leaves me again? How could I ever recover from that? It was hard enough the first time.

“Promise me you’ll think about it, Summer? Please.” His voice is strained. I can’t imagine how hard it is for him to confess his feelings like this, and I’m standing here like a statue, unable to say anything that would make sense.

I nod. “I will. I’ll think about it.”

He reaches out to cup my cheek again and leans in, gently pressing his lips to mine. The kiss is fleeting, and it leaves me wanting so much more. It’s not his usual claiming kiss I’ve come to love. But it makes my heart race, nonetheless.

He pulls away and studies my face, trying to find some clue of how I might be feeling. But I give him nothing because I don’t even know what I’m feeling.

He rubs his thumb over my cheek before pulling away. He grabs a shirt from his bag and throws it on. “I’m going to go try to find Holden and my parents. I’ll be back in a bit, alright?”

I nod, still frozen in my spot. He turns to leave, but I stop him before he gets to the door. “Hawke?” He turns to look at me. “I’m sorry. For all those years ago. I’m sorry I didn’t see how hurt you were.”

He gives me a sad smile. “I should’ve said something. I was too scared to lose your friendship, but I lost you anyway.”

He turns away and walks out the door, leaving me alone with my feelings.

CHAPTER 22

Hawke

My parents are on the beach next to Summer’s parents when I finally find them. It’s awkward because I’m not sure if they’ve seen Holden since he stormed out of our room. I wanted to give him space to calm down, but not so much that he thinks he’s not important to me. This whole situation is fucked up, but honestly, I didn’t realize he would be this upset.

“Hey, Hawke.” My mom waves at me from under their umbrella.

“Hey, Mom. Is Holden down here?” I look up and down the beach but don’t see him.