Page 55 of Crossed Lines

“You comfortable?” he asks.

“Very,” I answer, draping my arms over his chest. I’m suddenly very sleepy.

We’re silent for a moment. I imagine he’s probably thinking the same thing I am: I can’t believe we just did that.

“We’re not very good at this friends thing,” he finally says.

I chuckle. “No, we’re not.”

He kisses my forehead, and it doesn’t slip my mind that even after everything that’s happened tonight, he hasn’t kissed me on the lips. It’s on the tip of my tongue to bring it up, but I swallow it down. I pushed him tonight. He’s drawn the line several times, and I keep making it harder and harder for him. It’s not the time to bring it up. So I snuggle in tight and let my eyes slowly close.

CHAPTER 20

Beck

“Daddy, do you like Willow?” Jade asks from the backseat of the truck.

I look through my rearview mirror to see her staring out of her window. “Of course I like Willow. Don’t you?”

I know she likes Willow because all she does is talk about her when she’s not with us. I’m afraid her little heart is going to be broken when Willow heads back to school. Hell, I’m afraid my little heart is going to be broken when she leaves. Especially knowing she’s all the way in Europe. Who knows what she’ll get up to there, but I know I’m going to be thinking the worst.

“Duh, Daddy. I mean, do you like her, like her?”

My breath catches, and I swear my heart stops for a moment. I wasn’t prepared to have this conversation yet. “What?”

“Do you have a crush on Willow?” she asks plainly.

“Why would you ask that?” I know my daughter is perceptive. She’s always pointing things out and asking questions. But I guess I thought I hid my feelings for Willow better than I did. I keep forgetting that Jade is not a little baby anymore. She sees things, hears things, and comes to her own conclusions now.

“I saw you two sleeping on the couch together last night. And you slept in her bed with her when she was sick. You kissed her forehead when she left this morning. Chris does all those things with Mommy, and Mommy says it’s because they’re in love.”

Shit. I guess I haven’t been hiding anything at all. I’m an idiot.

“Well, honey, it’s a little complicated,” I say.

“No, it’s not. You either like her, or you don’t.”

I laugh because I wish it were that easy. And I wish it were easy to explain to Jade why I like Willow so much, but I can’t be with her the way Chris is with Gemma.

“Ok, I do like Willow⁠—”

She gasps before I can finish. “Are you gonna get married?”

“Whoa, hold your horses, little one. I’m not ready to get married to anyone.”

“Why not?” she asks, and I can hear a hint of sadness in her voice, which is curious. I guess I had always assumed that Jade didn’t want me to get married or have a girlfriend. Maybe I should’ve talked to her about it, but honestly, it hasn’t mattered up until now. Willow is the only woman I’ve even thought about in a long time. At least since Gemma and I were together.

“Don’t you like it being just me and you?” I ask her.

“Yeah, but I’m not with you all the time. I don’t want you to be sad and lonely when I’m gone.” Geez, when did she start thinking like this? Is that how she sees me? Her sad and lonely loser of a father?

“I’m not lonely, honey.” Well, I guess I am a little bit, but for the sake of this conversation, I’m not.

“You might be one day. You like Willow, and she likes you. It’s perfect!”

My curiosity gets the better of me, and I ask, “How do you know she likes me?”

I glance back again in the mirror just in time to see her roll her eyes. “Duh, Daddy. She’s all smiley when you’re home.”