Page 56 of Crossed Lines

I chuckle. “Ok, all of that might be true, but remember, honey, Willow is leaving in just a few weeks. She’s got to go back to school.”

“Yeah, but she’ll be back,” she says confidently.

“How do you know that?” I ask, wondering if maybe Willow and Jade have already discussed this.

“I just know.”

“Can’t argue with that logic, I guess.” I sigh, trying to figure out exactly how to explain this to her. “Maybe if Willow comes back to Blue Haven when she’s done with college, we can revisit our… crush. But for now, we’re going to stay friends so that neither of us gets too sad when Willow leaves.”

“Oh.” She thinks about what I said for a minute and then says, “Ok.”

I try not to think about what’s going to happen after Willow graduates. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment if she doesn’t come back. I had no idea how badly she wanted to leave. As much as I’d like her to call Blue Haven home again, I’d hate for her to do it because of me. I want her to choose it for herself. Even if it hurts us both in the process.

“Sorry, kid.”

“It’s ok.”

The truck goes silent as we both think about the conversation. I didn’t mean to fall asleep with Willow on the couch last night. I was pretty spent after everything we did, and then with her pressed up against me, I didn’t stand a chance. We stayed like that until the power came back on and woke us up. I kinda wished it had stayed off a little while longer so I could’ve had a few more undisturbed moments with her.

And when she looked at me with her sleepy eyes and messy hair, my first thought was how I wanted to keep her right where she was. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted her to be mine. But then I heard Jade’s door open and heard her run across the hall to the bathroom. Willow and I scrambled off the couch and then awkwardly looked at each other, neither one of us sure what to say.

The rest of the morning went about the same. Jade carried most of the conversation at breakfast, and when Willow changed and went to leave, I truly thought she was going to leave without saying goodbye. So I pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

I’m glad I’m off work today. I need the distance from Willow, and I’m sure she needs it too. I’m sure I should admit to myself that last night was a mistake, but I don’t regret it. Not one bit. We both needed it.

I park the truck in town, and Jade and I head inside the grocery store. We’ve got a day full of errands, starting with food shopping. Luckily, Jade loves grocery shopping, probably because I always let her pick out a toy in the small kids section they have. I always tell myself that I’m not going to spoil her and then end up doing it anyway.

Jade follows me around the store, but when we get to the toy aisle, she miraculously skips past it and runs straight for the boxes of cake and cupcake mixes.

“Daddy, we should make Willow cupcakes!”

“Why?” I ask, wondering if I’ve missed something important. I know her birthday isn’t until October.

“Because she loves cupcakes and I do too.”

I chuckle. Can’t argue with that logic, I suppose. “I don’t know, honey. I’m not much of a baker.”

She shrugs. “That’s ok. I can do it.”

“You can bake cupcakes?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“When have you ever baked cupcakes?” I ask.

“Never, but I can do it. Willow said I can do anything I put my mind to.”

I blow out a breath. My daughter makes it extremely hard for me to say no. “Alright. What flavor should we get?”

“Chocolate!”

Jade grabs a box of mix and then points to the frosting she wants. Of course, we also have to get sprinkles and some of the colored frosting so we can decorate these cupcakes.

It looks like my afternoon will be spent baking cupcakes with Jade instead of everything else I needed to get done, and you know what? Maybe that’s exactly what I need. Sometimes having a kid can make me feel completely overwhelmed and like I can barely keep my head above water. But other days, like today, she reminds me that life is short and I might as well spend it doing something I want to do. Or something she wants to do.

Jade and I finish up our errands in town and grab some lunch from a local deli before heading home. We eat our sandwiches quickly, and then Jade insists we get started on the cupcakes.

I’ve never baked anything in my life, so I make sure to read the instructions carefully. Luckily, it seems easy enough. I grab a big bowl for Jade to mix everything in. I don’t have an actual mixing bowl, so I hand her a big Tupperware bowl instead. Miraculously, I have a cupcake pan. I have no idea when or why I got this, but I have a feeling my mom left it here at some point.