Page 43 of AJ’s Fire

Jackson

I was in a daze, floating around my grandparents’ house, aware of my body in a way I’d never been before. I ended up back in the guest room that AJ and I had recently vacated. I don’t really recall getting dressed, but by the time AJ came back in, wrapped in a too-small towel, I was in a navy-blue FDNY sweatsuit, sitting on the edge of the bed, my head in my hands, my body still thrumming with sensation. One look at my best friend had me thinking I could go again.

“I’ve got my go bag in the car.” AJ looked at me apologetically. I took one look out the window and shook my head no.

“Hang on.” I wandered into my grandparents’ room and got distracted, looking out the darkened window at the snow falling on the lake, thinking about other times AJ and I had visited in the winter. Me taking my grandparents’ bedroom, sometimes with some local woman with me, AJ with someone else in the guest room I had just vacated.

“Yeah, well there’s fucking no one else here tonight,” I told the window, putting my hand on it to feel the cold. It was enough to shock me back into action, and I rummaged through my grandparents' dressers until I found some clothes I knew my grandparents didn’t really wear.

I found a pair of gray sweatpants and a long-sleeved Dorso Electronics T-shirt. I poked around the room until I also found two pairs of fluffy socks.

He had taken my place on the edge of the bed waiting for me, his legs spread, the towel barely covering anything. It was AJ’s casual way of sitting, I knew, not meant to be salacious. Still, between the inviting stance and the evening we’d just had, I couldn’t quite look at him.

“I’m not going out there. Will these do?” I stuck the arm holding the clothes out to him, keeping my body, and my eyes, sideways. He took them from me with a chuckle.

“’Course. Thanks,” he said. I stood dumbly to the side, waiting for him to slip them on, but I sensed no movement on his part.

Eventually, he spoke. “Jax?”

“Uh-huh?” I let out, staring at a spot on the wall.

“Jackson,” he stated more emphatically. “Gonna need you to look at me, bro.”

I was his bro again, not his cariño. Right, maybe I could … Nope.

He stood and forced himself into my line of sight, making me watch as he dropped the towel and pulled the sweats up. Getting dressed together was something we did all the time at the station, but watching him that evening was too much for my overloaded senses and emotions. I kept my eyes averted.

“Jackson, I’m really gonna need you to look at me.” I swung around and took in the sweatpants, slightly too tight and riding low on his hips. “You okay?”

I nodded.

“Okay, come on.” He swiped the shirt and pulled it on as he walked past me. It fit him snugly as well, and I worked hard to remember that it was my grandfather’s shirt with my parents’ company logo on it. Nothing sexy about that.

As he walked past, he grabbed my arm. “Time to talk,” was all he said as he marched us downstairs and practically pushed me onto the couch.

“Give me those.”

“Huh?”

“Jesus, Jax.” He laughed, pulling the four socks from my hand. Then he bent down and put two of them, two mismatched socks, on my feet. When he popped up, he leaned in and kissed my cheek. All I could do was stare at the fireplace in front of me. “Hold these for me, Jackson. I’ll be right back.”

He went and added a log to the fire, using the poker to adjust it. Then he stood and stared at it for a minute.

“AJ,” I whispered to his strong, ramrod-straight back. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Aje?”

“Yeah, yes. Here I am.” He deposited the poker back in its stand and sat so close to me our legs touched. “Hand ’em over?”

“Huh?” I said again before realizing I was holding the other pair of mismatched socks. I pulled my eyes from the fireplace to watch him slip them on.

“Tell me everything.” He implored.

“I … I still don’t understand any of this.”

“I know, and I’m not one hundred percent sure I do either. So let’s start at the beginning and figure it out.”

I sighed, and AJ turned to me on the couch. I sensed him there but remained staring at the dancing flames.

“We’ll figure this out, Jackson. I promise.”