Page 49 of What We Got Wrong

“I have dreamt about you holding me in these arms,” Liv whispered, pulling her somehow even closer in.

And…fuck.

It was a nice sentiment, but Quinn didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want some drunken confession from Liv that she’d thought of her. She had flashes of their time together before: of tangled bedsheets and so much laughter, of the steamiest nights she’d ever had, of tears and of silence, of a friendship ending.

She caught herself just before their lips touched, going ramrod straight before practically leaping away. Liv blinked up at her, shock and embarrassment splashed across her face, the most sober she’d been all evening.

“I have to go,” Quinn said. She wanted to run, to leave the bar and walk back to the hotel without thinking of the others. But she obviously couldn’t just leave. Quinn told Liv to stay right there while she found their group, and she nodded, dazed, but at least she seemed to listen.

She found Mel dancing with Rhea and Audrey in a corner of the dance floor. When Mel saw her expression, before Quinn even spoke, Mel was telling them it was time to go. And for that, at least, she could be grateful to her friend.

The group looped back around to find Liv just where they’d been dancing, and the five of them walked out of the bar together.

The walk to the hotel was mostly quiet—Mel and Quinn leading the way, Rhea close behind them, and Audrey and Liv, arms linked, whispering to each other, bringing up the rear. Quinn was trying as best she could not to let anyone see how affected she was by what had happened in the bar.

As soon as they got into the hotel, they called for an elevator, and they stepped in in continued silence. Rhea got off on her floor first, hugging Liv and Audrey and waving to Quinn and Mel. Quinn couldn’t believe that she’d spent the evening with Rhea Freaking Stewart and this was how it was ending.

The next stop was Quinn and Mel’s floor. As they went to exit, Quinn briefly turned to Liv, whispering a quiet goodnight. In the mirrored wall, she saw Mel behind her, shrugging at Audrey.

“Are you okay?” Mel said as soon as the elevator doors closed.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Quinn replied, rushing toward her hotel room.

“Hey, I thought inviting her out tonight was the right thing,” Mel told her. “Seriously, dude, I think you two need to bang it out.”

“Not everything can be fixed with fucking,” Quinn spat back. That had never been their problem. They’d always been great at that.

Quinn needed to stop thinking about it.

Mel rolled her eyes. “You know I don’t think that. But in this case…”

“I’m going to bed,” Quinn replied.

“Okay,” Mel responded, nodding. “I really am sorry if I upset you. We’ll talk in the morning?”

“Sure,” Quinn grunted before scanning her key and entering her hotel room, flipping the lock behind her.

And fuck. She was upset. She was absolutely fucking livid.

But not at Mel. At least not entirely at Mel.

No, this kind of anger was the special kind, the one she reserved for herself.

Because she’d let herself forget. Let herself bask in the joy of spending time in Liv’s presence. She’d let herself think, for a split second, that it could actually be that good.

But that wasn’t real. It wasn’t real in college, and it wasn’t real that night. Liv didn’t want her. She’d made it clear time and time again, and a drunken hook up wasn’t going to make Quinn feel like what they had was right, like Liv would ever actually pick her, like they hadn’t broken each other so thoroughly, so recklessly.

It had felt so good in that moment, though, a tiny voice whispered in the back of her mind. The image of Liv, pressed up against her in the club, flooded her thoughts. The problem was the same as it always had been: they fit together, like pieces of one whole, until Quinn remembered how different they truly were.

She didn’t know how she’d make it through the rest of the week. She’d come so close to doing something she couldn’t take back, and it wasn’t going to be a trivial mistake. She wasn’t drunk, and she wasn’t a teenager thinking she knew what she could handle.

Because she knew now how much Liv could break her. And, if she was being honest with herself, she’d wanted to kiss her anyway.

She’d wanted to bring her back to this very room and completely take her apart, and for Quinn, the wanting was the hardest part of all.

Chapter 18

Liv