Page 70 of Chasin’s Surrender

But I couldn’t ignore the look so I asked, “Everything okay?”

“How bad was it?” Holden returned.

“The showdown with the Murrays?” I guessed. Holden nodded and I answered, “On a scale of nice family reunion being one, to worst parents in history being a ten, it was a nine. And only because my parents take the ten spot, so I know it can get worse than what happened. But for Chasin, I think it was a ten.”

Holden continued to stare at me, the muscles in his face working overtime to keep his expression in check, but unable to stop the tic in his cheek every time he ground his teeth.

“I fuckin’ hate those two. Nancy more than Will. But fucking hell, those two are the definition of assholes.”

I thought Holden was vastly understating what type of people Chasin’s parents were, but I held my tongue.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Me? Why wouldn’t I be okay? It’s Chasin I’m worried about. His dad was a total dick to him. Called him stupid, me a whore, and in keeping that thread, Chasin was a fool for being with me because obviously being a woman—therefore a lying, cheating bitch—I would break Chasin. I think by the end, his dad understood I didn’t appreciate being called names and I really didn’t like him speaking to Chasin the way he was. I might’ve called Will a stupid fool and Nancy a whore before Bobby went all crazy bitch and kicked them out.”

“Might’ve?” Holden’s mouth twitched.

“Okay, I did. I totally called his mother a whore.”

Holden’s face split with a smile, and holy shit, it changed everything about him. The smile alone took him from good-looking to jaw-dropping hot. And I think my jaw did drop, because his smile turned into a very loud, roaring laugh.

“Uh… I don’t think my calling his parents names is funny. I think Chasin’s mad at me.”

It took a moment for Holden to compose himself, but when he did, he was wearing a soft smile and none of the granite was left. “Babe, trust me, he is not mad at you. Chasin doesn’t talk about them much, but it’s no secret how he feels about his mother. And none of us have hidden how we feel about her. Believe me, whore is one of the tamer words we’ve used to describe the bitch. She fucked Chasin up. The good news is, he knows it and doesn’t deny his issues with trust and women come from her.”

“Why is that good news?”

“Because it makes it easier for you to dig out all the shit she left in him. He wants it out, so he won’t fight you while you’re working it out of him.”

Heat hit my cheeks. But more, something funny started fluttering in my stomach. Then I realized I liked the funny feeling. I liked that Holden thought Chasin wouldn’t fight me while I was working out all the shit his mother had left inside of him. However, the bigger part of that was that I wanted to work it out of him. Maybe while I was doing that, I’d let him dig some of my shit out, too.

I wanted that.

I wanted to be that for Chasin.

But admitting it, wanting it, and being able to do it, were all entirely different.

You got one life, baby, just one.

“My parents are the supreme assholes of all time,” I blurted out.

“Yeah, I know. I read the complaint they filed in the lawsuit. Totally jacked.”

Shit. Of course Holden knew about my parents, everyone did. The court documents weren’t sealed. Anyone who wanted to know could look them up online and know that my parents tried to sue me for half of all royalties I made from the music I wrote. Citing events in my childhood, including their alcoholism and neglect had greatly inspired my songwriting, therefore they should be awarded half of the income I received from those songs. It was a bullshit lawsuit, they had no chance of winning and they hadn’t. But that didn’t mean it hadn’t been a huge pain in my ass, a PR nightmare, embarrassing as all get-out, and costly. Not for them—they’d found an ambulance-chaser attorney—but for me. I had to shell out twenty thousand dollars to fight the crap they put me through.

“So I know something about bad parents. But I might not have it in me to dig out what his left in him, when I can’t let go of what mine did to me. And not just with the lawsuit. I mean, since I can remember, they didn’t like me much.”

“You’re worried you don’t have it in you?” Holden surmised.

“Yeah.”

“You have it in you,” he assured.

“I want to think I do, but I’m not sure. You can ask Bobby—without meaning to, I shut down. And when I go searching for my safe place, I lock down so tight I don’t let anyone in. Chasin’s constantly pulling me out. It’s gonna get old.”

Holden’s grin turned into a full-fledged beautiful smile.

“You don’t listen to yourself when you speak, do you?” That was a weird thing to ask but he didn’t give me a chance to tell him so. “You just said you lock down and don’t let anyone in, yet Chasin keeps pulling you out. Can’t be lost on you that he’s able to get past whatever barriers you’re putting up. And believe me, it’s not lost on Chasin. You’re giving him an in and, Genevieve, he wants that in, so he’ll keep taking it.”