Page 71 of Chasin’s Surrender

Damn if he wasn’t right. When Chasin pushed, I crumbled, every time. There hadn’t been one time he’d tried to get past my defenses that he hadn’t succeeded.

I’m so stupid.

“Now that that’s sunk in, let this, too…you have it in you to help Chasin let go of his past. I know you do because Chasin’s already let you in. He’s letting it all hang out. The fact that you witnessed what happened between him and his parents is a pretty big indication he’s not hiding.”

“He told me to stay upstairs. I didn’t listen. Then when it started, he asked me to go up but I ignored that, too. So I don’t think he wanted me to witness anything, I just didn’t let him kick me out of the conversation.”

“Right. So you had his back and wouldn’t let him take on his parents without you standing at his side. Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Of course I wasn’t going to let him face those assholes without me.”

“And you think you don’t have it in you.” Holden chuckled and shook his head. “I could explain all the ways you have exactly what Chasin needs. But I’m not gonna do that. It’ll be more fun watching you figure it out. But one day, I’m gonna remind you of this conversation and you’ll see I was right. You keep doing what you’re doing.”

At that juncture, I wasn’t all that torn up when Bobby flounced into the living room and interrupted the heavy turn our conversation had taken.

“So,” Bobby started. “Leslie emailed—again. I’ve put her off for over a week. Now that Melissa has opened her trap and told Leslie you’ve fired her, Leslie is calling and texting and wants a sit-down ASAP. We’re gonna have to deal with this. Which means you and I have to talk about your future.”

My future.

What Bobby meant was we needed to talk about my career and what direction I wanted to go.

You got one life, baby, just one.

“I want to quit,” I told her, and my heart shuddered even saying those words.

“Quit?”

“I’m over it, all of it. You know this isn’t what I wanted. We talked about it enough, before I got my first deal, when I was signing that first contract, before I took the stage for my first big concert. So you can’t be surprised I want to quit. But I also know, right now isn’t the time to make that decision. There’s too much going on. I need to think before I cut ties. What’s your take?”

Bobby stood staring at me. She briefly glanced at Holden, her eyes came back to me, and I saw the confusion. I never talked business in front of anyone. I’d learned the hard way that if I did, it would be leaked to the press, twisted around, and they’d print lies.

“I can see your wheels turning, friend. We can talk in front of Holden. I trust him.”

“You do?” she whispered.

“Y’all gonna run to the papers and tell them that Vivi Rush is in the middle of a crisis and she’s thinking about saying fuck you to the music industry, and maybe give them all the middle finger before she throws in the towel and quits?” I asked Holden.

“Come again?”

I smiled at his puzzled expression and turned to Bobby. “Considering he has no clue that if he called up a reporter he could make a mint with just the little he’s heard, means I trust him not to sell me out.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Holden jerked in surprise.

“About which part?”

“People sold you out in the past?”

“Oh, hell yeah. Anyone else—well, I’m excluding all the Gemini men and their women in this statement, but no one else would bat an eye making quick money selling that to the rags. Bobby and I are careful about where we talk business.”

“Fuck, woman. I’d quit that shit, too.”

“Yeah, it ain’t pretty. All people see is the glitz, glamor, money, fame, and think it’s all fun and games. It’s not. It’s seedy, soul-sucking, and dream-crushing. Other than Bobby, I don’t trust a single person I work with. They’d stab me in the back and take my money. All I am is a dollar sign with a lot of zeroes after it. But the fuck of it is, the only place I’ve ever felt like myself is on stage singing. Nothing else feels like home.”

Well, that was until I met Chasin. Spending the weekend with him showed me what home really felt like, and it wasn’t standing in front of thousands of people singing anymore. It was in the arms of one man, enjoying his company.

Now that I knew, really knew, and there was a possibility I could have that, no matter how slim it was, I wanted it with a desperation that was borderline unhealthy.

Was I really willing to give up the career I’d worked my ass off for?