Page 24 of Holden’s Resurrection

“Why haven’t you?”

“Because it no longer matters.”

Holden barely recognized his own voice. Defeat laced every word. He’d fucked up and lost her and now it felt like he was losing her all over again. A feeling that was so crippling he wasn’t sure he’d survive. Hell, he didn’t deserve to survive it. He’d earned every twinge of pain, every stab of regret, every twist of the knife when he looked at Faith.

“I think it matters a lot, Holden. It’s been years and neither of you have moved on. If nothing else, don’t you think you owe it to her to come clean so she can find some semblance of happiness? I’ve watched her since she’s moved here. She’s not living. She works, she gives everything to Faith, she smiles on cue when she’s with us, but she is miserable. And I’m not even gonna start on how you live your life—but, brother, it’s painful to watch. Don’t you want to find a woman and have a family?”

A trail of agony slithered down his spine.

Family.

Holden wasn’t capable of having a family—that option had been taken away from him courtesy of the Navy.

“No, Chasin, I don’t want either of those,” he lied.

The truth was, all Holden had wanted was to build a family with Charleigh.

“Holden—”

“Trust me, a family is something I will never have.”

That wasn’t a lie. Holden would never have what he’d desired most. He was utterly incapable of making one.

The two men stood in the tiny space and locked eyes. Holden allowed his friend to see every ounce of remorse and pain he felt. When Chasin clenched his jaw, Holden knew he saw it.

Before Chasin could question him further, he changed the subject. “Who’s going in with Micky tomorrow?”

The team had decided to delay reaching out to Kimberly’s mom until they had more information. There was no need to cause the woman anymore pain than she’d already experienced if Jonny was wrong and the incidences weren't linked. No one wanted to cause the grieving mother undue stress.

However, after a week of investigating, the team felt Jonny was right and it was time for Micky to make contact with Kimberly’s mom.

“No one. She wants to go in alone. It’s her opinion Donna Lot wouldn’t be comfortable with any of us there.”

Holden nodded his agreement. They’d discussed some of the questions Micky was going to ask and he didn’t think any mother would be comfortable discussing her daughter’s possible abuse in front of a man, especially one she didn’t know.

“I hate for Micky to take it on herself, but it’s the best play.”

Once again, the men fell silent, a host of emotions flickering in Chasin’s gaze. His right eye twitched—Chasin’s tell that he was annoyed—and Holden braced.

“I think you need to tell Charleigh who Paul really was.”

That was not what he thought his friend was going to say. He was also not going to get into another Charleigh conversation.

“That’s not gonna happen. I already let a few things slip. He’s dead and gone. I’m not going to dishonor the memory of her husband.” The flavor of his words made him wince.

Her husband.

Charleigh had married the bastard.

His beauty Leigh-Leigh had a lying, cheating asshole for a husband and that was Holden’s fault, too.

“Hold—”

“You should go see what Evie’s up to,” Holden cut him off.

“Stubborn fuck,” Chasin muttered and exited.

He wasn’t stubborn, he was finally being smart.