Page 51 of Playing With Love

Giving me hope that maybe I could be enough.

Tucker bent his neck back a smidgen, his eyes roamed my face, then he stepped away from the wall. My legs wrapped tighter around his hips and my arms still resting on his shoulders circled his neck.

“That right there is all I need, Liza.”

My confusion must’ve been written on my face. An unfortunate circumstance for me.

“You holding on. That’s it, baby, that’s all I need. I’ll do the rest of the work, just hold the fuck on and let me show you you’re not only worth the effort, you’re worth everything. I promise you—swear it, Liza—all you have to do is hold on and I’ll show you whoever put that in your head was wrong. Dead wrong. You’re the best woman I know, Liza, and if nothing else, I swear I’m gonna make you believe.”

I wanted to believe.

I wanted Tucker to love me.

I wanted to be enough.

But wanting and getting were two different things.

That’s what that phone call back in Tucson was about. My father calling to tell me how disappointed he was I’d gone through with my divorce. He blamed me, and my inability to be a good wife for the failure of my marriage. I wasn’t good enough and never would be.

With no other options available to me unless I wanted to continue on this not-so-merry-go-round, I nodded.

“I give you that play, baby, as long as you know that I know you’re only agreeing so I’ll end the conversation.”

So what, he knew my play.

If it got us out of my hotel room before I did something more embarrassing than begging him to fuck me, I didn’t care what he knew or what I was agreeing to.

“Leave your suitcase, we’ll swing by after work to pick it up.”

I didn’t think staying the night at his house was a good idea but arguing with him would be futile.

I nodded again.

Tucker dropped me to my feet, held onto my hips until I was steady, then turned to grab my purse. Once he handed it to me he declared, “You’re riding back with me.”

Again, I decided arguing with him was useless.

I stayed silent as we walked to the doorway and out of it. The elevator ride was also quiet, so was the walk through the lobby and out to his SUV. But that didn’t mean my brain wasn’t going a mile a minute. So many what-ifs ran through my mind. Scenario after scenario of what could happen raced. None of them ending in the happily ever after Tucker wanted.

I’d been cheated on. I’d been discarded. I’d been unwanted. I was never enough for the men in my life.

This wasn’t going to end well.

“Good, you’re back,” Carter said as soon as Tucker and I walked into TC. “Nick’s waiting for us. We think we have a plan to get you two onto the compound.”

If Carter knew what I’d planned and why Tucker had come after me, he didn’t let on. It was business as usual. No inflection, no censure, just a rushed statement as he strolled across the lobby on his way to the conference room.

I should’ve been grateful. Instead, I felt guilt.

Lauren rounded the corner, heels clicking on the hardwood floor, mug in hand, and smile firmly in place. She really was a beautiful woman. Stylish, friendly, and from what I’d seen extremely efficient. I couldn’t say we were friends, but in the last week I’d been at TC we’d chatted some. Mostly in the break room when we were both in there for a caffeine fix, so I knew the mug she was carrying back to her desk wasn’t coffee, it was Masala Chai made from mushrooms. She swore by it, said it had more caffeine than real coffee with the added benefit of being healthy. I was all for more caffeine; it was the healthy stuff I wasn’t fond of, which meant I’d declined her many offers to try her mushroom drink.

During our brief chats she’d told me she’d worked at TC a good while, even before her now-husband Logan started working there. Obviously I’d meet Logan. The former SEAL used to be in Carter’s platoon along with Trey, Luke, and Matt. During my last visit to Georgia I’d met Luke at Phoenix’s house. He was married to Phoenix’s sister, Shiloh. How that man broke through Sunny’s prickly exterior was a mystery. I loved and adored Sunny but she made her boundaries clear. There was only so far she’d let you in. But the last time I saw her, she was a different person. No, she was the same, but better. She no longer held herself apart.

It wasn’t until right then, thinking about all the ways Sunny had changed did it hit, why she and I had gotten along so well. How similar we were. I had friends, same as her, but none of them—save Tucker—were real friends. The kind you opened up to. All of my friendships were surface, no depth, no sharing, and clear boundaries.

Lauren smiled as she approached and it dawned on me, I’d done it to Lauren. She’d tried asking me about my life—not my job, or the case, but about me. She’d tried to get to know me, but I’d deflected and asked her questions about herself and Luke but mostly about working at TC, keeping our interactions surface level. She’d invited me out to lunch. I’d declined. She’d invited me to dinner with her, Hadley, and Liberty. I’d declined. She’d even offered to wrangle her girls, as she called them, though she hadn’t elaborated on who her ‘girls’ were, to come by my hotel for drinks so I wasn’t alone every night. I’d declined.

And yet she was still smiling at me as she made her way to her desk, Masala Chai in hand. I knew she drank mushroom coffee. She knew I drank regular coffee. That was the only personal information I’d given her, if coffee preference could be considered personal.