Page 113 of Kyle

That was bullshit.

“Tell me, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing—”

“Kyle, please don’t lie to me. We haven’t talked about your mission. Did everything go okay?”

“As well as it could go.”

Okay, that was a little cryptic, but he didn’t sound like he was upset about that. And I knew the rest of the team had all made it back to Maryland and there were no injuries. So I figured he was telling me the truth even if he wasn’t giving it to me straight.

“Then what’s keeping you awake, honey?”

Kyle remained silent as his thumb rubbed over the back of my hand still over his heart.

“Please talk to me.”

Still nothing.

“I was scared,” I admitted. “After what happened with Monica, I was scared you’d be mad. Or maybe not mad but I didn’t know if you’d be able to get over what I’d done.”

“What you did was save Emerson’s life.”

“I know. But at the time, I wasn’t thinking straight. I was scared and I didn’t want you to look at me like I’d done something wrong.”

Sometime during the drive some of the guilt and shame had lessened. I’d been protecting my friend and if it hadn’t been me who’d pulled her off, it would’ve been Jeremy. And he’d flat out said, he’d had no intention of showing her mercy. Either way, Monica had signed her own death warrant the second she’d touched Emerson.

Of course I wished it hadn’t been me who’d done it, but I’d choose Emmy any day of the week. Therefore, I had to let it go. The alternative would’ve meant I’d stood by and watched my friend get strangled and that was not an option.

“It pisses me right the fuck off you had to do it, but I’m happy you did. We all are, Thad more than the rest.”

“In a way I guess it’s good everything happened so fast, there wasn’t enough time to freak out or panic. There was no time to think, not from the time Jeremy told us to get into the bedroom to the moment we crashed. If there had been, I don’t think things would’ve ended as well as they did.”

“Wouldn’t have mattered. You and Emerson are smart. You both kept control—”

“There’s a lesson in all of this,” I cut him off. “More than, life’s short and I have to stop living with regrets. More than me understanding with great clarity where I want my life to go. But I also learned I’m stronger than I thought I was. Even if everything that happened didn’t end with me right now in your arms, I wouldn’t have stopped fighting to get back to you. I know that now, I know I have more fight in me, I know I’m strong even if I was scared. And I knew, you would’ve never stopped looking. So in a way, that was freeing. No matter what happened—if Harry’s men had caught up to us—you would’ve found us.”

“Damn right I would’ve.”

The vehemence in his declaration made me smile.

“Please don’t be mad at Zane.”

“Anaya—”

“No, listen. He had no way of knowing. You had no way of knowing. None of us did.”

“We damn well knew we didn’t have enough information on the woman. The suggestion never should’ve been made to send you and Emerson in.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Baby me.”

“That is not me babying you. That’s me loving you and protecting you. Something I promised to do. Something I told myself after you were taken in Timor-Leste I’d never stop doing. And what did I do? I fucking ignored my gut again. Swear to Christ that will never, I mean never, happen again. It might make me sound like a bossy prick but if I feel like a situation is too dangerous, the answer is no. Just no. No discussion. No agreement.”

“You can’t do that, Kyle,” I whispered.