Page 114 of Kyle

“Straight up I can and I will.” My eyes drifted closed, not liking where this conversation was headed. “Wanna know what I was thinking about while I was in Canada?” I nodded my head against his chest. “I was thinking something wasn’t right. I could feel it. Not in my gut, not in an abstract way. Down to my soul I knew something was wrong. It wasn’t the same nag I get while on an operation before shit goes sideways. It was a bone-deep ache. My chest physically hurt. Then when Zane called to inform us that you and Emerson were on the run with fucking Landry tied up in the back seat, I had never been so scared in my life.

“Not even when you were texting me that you thought there was something wrong with your driver. Not when I knew your kidnapping was imminent. Not when Dec and I were searching and then had to fucking wait until that boat crossed into Australian water. At the time, I’d thought that was the most scared I’d ever been. And maybe until yesterday it had been. But knowing the woman I loved was breathing the same air as Landry had me terrified. Thinking about how that came to be, I was even more so. Knowing that if one thing went wrong, you’d be lost to me forever. And I’m not saying I wouldn’t have found you, but what I would’ve found would not have been you. Not this you. Not the woman who I’ve watched heal, who’s opened up, who’s funny and smiles, the woman I love more than anything else in this world. The things…fuck…I can’t. I can’t even think about it.”

“Then don’t think about them.”

“I don’t think you get it. When you were kidnapped, I knew we had a connection. I could feel it. It was burrowing in. I knew I’d give my life to get you back. But now I’m drowning in it. I’m in so deep with you, I can’t breathe without you. If something—”

“But it didn’t. I’m here. I’m safe. And in the end, you made that so.”

“If we’d been—”

“But you weren’t. You were there. But now you can’t baby me.”

“Did you pay attention, Anaya? There is no me and you. There’s only an us. I will not stand for you ever being in danger.”

This was going to be an issue and somewhere in the back of my mind I was wondering if I should let it go for now. Emotions were high, the situation still raw. But I couldn’t. I knew he’d crush me if he treated me like I was incapable of being his equal.

“Yes, Kyle, I paid attention. And you have to know I feel the same. And I love that you want to protect me, but you can’t suffocate me and keep me locked away because you think there’s danger everywhere.”

“You think I’d do that to you?”

He started to sit up and I gave him all my weight to keep him where he was.

“Honestly? Right now, I don’t know. We’re both scared. Yesterday was super shitty and I’m just afraid—”

“Super shitty?” he barked. “Yesterday I thought my life was over.”

I froze.

“I failed you. Again. Don’t you get that? But never fucking again.”

“Okay,” I whispered. “I get it.”

His body sagged and he turned his face away from me.

“I am so damn sorry, sweetheart.”

“I get how you’re feeling. But there’s nothing for you to be sorry for. You didn’t do—”

“I did.”

“We’re not doing this!” I screeched. “If I was one of your teammates you wouldn’t be saying sorry. You wouldn’t be taking this on.”

“But—”

“No buts. You can’t treat me like I’m helpless.”

I barely got out the word helpless before I was flipped to my back and Kyle was looming over me looking pissed.

“The last damn thing you are is helpless. You are so fucking strong you amaze me. The last thing you are is weak, and I would never treat you like you are.”

“I’m fearless,” I told him.

“Yeah, baby, you are.”

“And it’s because of you. You taught me to be that. You gave me that. Please don’t take it away now.”

His eyes went soft and his features gentled.