Page 19 of Kyle

“Does that surprise you?”

“Yeah, Declan is a vault of secrets. He doesn’t share and he rarely apologizes. Glad he did though. You didn’t need the shit he shoveled at you earlier.”

Again, Kyle looked like he wanted to say more but he stopped himself. I wished he would’ve told me what he was thinking but I wouldn’t ask. And he was right, I didn’t deserve Declan’s attitude. But now that I understood why Declan had acted like he had a pole shoved up his ass I couldn’t blame him. People dealt with their emotions in all sorts of ways. Declan’s response was to lash out when he couldn’t deal with his, mine was to wall myself off as soon as I started to feel something.

Neither were necessarily right, or healthy, but you had to do what you had to do to keep the demons at bay.

* * *

Declan had indeed hotwired a car, and to my surprise the junker made it across the city. Now, the thing starting again to get us home was up for debate.

Declan had already entered the building, leaving Kyle and me near the entrance I was going to use when there was movement on the pathway.

Before I understood what was happening, Kyle had me pressed up against the building, his big body concealing mine. My insides seized and desperation had edged out the fear. Desperation that was so fierce I couldn’t push it back but neither could I make my legs work to flee.

I was paralyzed.

“Breathe, Anaya,” he whispered.

I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath, but when I exhaled my lungs burned.

“That’s it,” he cajoled. “Just relax. I’m not going to hurt you.”

I was beyond comprehending his words. We were connected from hip to chest. But his hands were flat against the brick exterior. I was trapped. There was nowhere to go—not that I could get my muscles to work to fight him off.

“You’re safe, Anaya. I need you to breathe or you’re going to pass out. I’m not going to hurt you.”

He was still whispering, his head was lowered and his mouth was close to my ear. So close I could feel his minty breath on my skin. Too close.

I tried to exhale again but panic started to bubble up. Kyle had me boxed in and I hadn’t been ready for it.

“Look at me,” he snapped.

I couldn’t move. I was completely frozen. Shit, I was doing exactly what I’d told Declan I wouldn’t do.

One of Kyle’s hands moved under my chin and gently lifted my face, forcing me to meet his stare. And what I saw wasn’t making it any easier to breathe. There was so much concern and understanding now I wanted run away for different reasons. He knew. There was no missing what a freak I was. We couldn’t pretend this away like we’d done on the plane. I couldn’t change the subject and steer us to something more comfortable. My crazy had slapped him in the face and no amount of him being nice about the situation would ever make him forget.

“It’s almost over. Just look at me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

His hazel eyes were full of sincerity but there was a hint of menace that lurked in the shadows. The sincerity hurt my heart. He was trying his best to calm me down, and damn if that wasn’t embarrassing. I was thirty-two and he was treating me like I was five. My humiliation knew no bounds.

I heard feet shuffling and a man mumbled something in Tetum about it being a disgrace to have sex in public.

Kyle’s body shifted, keeping me out of sight from the passersby, and my muscles ached from straining. I was putting in an ungodly amount of effort not to fight to get away but even more not to pull him closer. Which was the most ridiculous thought, ever. I was freaked out and scared, yet I wanted to feel more of Kyle, and considering he was already pressed against me was even more asinine. I’d lost my mind. Total crazy person.

“Almost, Anaya. You’re doing good. Just keep looking at me.”

Doing good? I was on the verge of a full-blown anxiety attack. If Kyle hadn’t been talking to me, I would’ve given in. If it’d been Declan who had me against a wall, I would’ve freaked out.

Finally, he started to pull back. But he was still pressing his hips into mine to keep me steady and I was grateful for the support, but I missed the warmth of his chest against mine. See? Totally bat shit crazy. My legs felt like jelly and my head was still swimming with fear and something else I couldn’t put my finger on and never wanted to.

I didn’t want to think about how in the middle of an anxiety attack I was thinking about how I liked Kyle’s big strong body pressed against mine. Because if I thought about why that was, and how it was possible I was feeling that, I’d realize I needed to be committed to the looney bin. And I liked my freedom even if it meant the population at large had no idea they were consorting with a psycho when I was around.

I felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, and he pulled it out and answered without breaking eye contact.

“Yeah?” Kyle paused then spoke again. “Give us five minutes and I’ll send her up.” Another pause. “We need a minute, someone walked by. As soon as I know we’re clear she’ll be up.”

He pocketed his phone and I wanted to thank him for not telling Declan about my come apart. It was bad enough Kyle had witnessed what happened.