Page 71 of Kyle

“What won’t be?”

“You and Kyle,” Tatiana explained, and I felt my stomach start to knot. “Oh, shit. You spoke too soon, Emmy.”

“What’s wrong?” Emerson leaned closer.

What was wrong?

I thought they were getting their hopes up way too high.

“I’m totally fucked up,” I whispered.

Tatiana’s eyes narrowed and she leaned closer. “I wouldn’t let Kyle hear you say that,” she warned.

“Why do you think I’m whispering?”

“I said that to Brooks, one time. Or maybe I called myself damaged when he saw all my scars. He flipped his shit on me.”

“I told Thad once I was dirty, from all the things I’ve done. And oh, boy, he was pissed. They don’t like it when their women talk bad about themselves,” Emerson added.

“But that’s the thing. I’m not his woman,” I protested.

Emerson and Tatiana shared another look. Silent communication passed between them and I was jealous. So jealous I wanted to yell at them to stop. I’d never been close enough to anyone to share an entire conversation with a look.

“Are you saying that because you don’t want to be?” Emerson asked softly.

“No! We agreed we wanted to get to know each other, but I can’t give him what he deserves. I know it. I’ll try and try but when he gets sick of me being a freak about everything, he’ll get rid of me and it’s gonna break my heart.”

“Give the guy a little more credit. He’s not an asshole,” Tatiana snapped.

“I don’t think he is. But he is a guy. I’ve spent so many years hiding, I can’t stand when someone touches me. That’s a problem, don’t you think?” Neither of them said anything and both had matching looks of confusion. “Sex,” I whispered.

My cheeks were heating at my admission. I’d gone from not talking about anything personal with anyone to spilling my guts to two women I barely knew. It was embarrassing. It was strange. It was a relief. Like uncorking a bottle that was under so much pressure it was constantly threatening to blow. That’s what I’d felt like every day of my life.

“But I’ve seen Kyle touch you,” Emerson argued.

“Are you a virgin?” Tatiana inquired, wide-eyed.

“No. But it’s been so long, I might as well be,” I sighed.

“Dinner ready?” Declan asked from behind me and I was so startled I nearly fell off the stool.

A strong hand grabbed my bicep to steady me. “Whoa, Anaya. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I glanced from Emerson to Tatiana then back to Emerson. Her brows were pinched together and she was staring at my arm, where Declan still had a firm grip. I waited for the panic to come. The fear of him holding me to overwhelm me, but it never came.

Then his hand was yanked away and he cleared his throat before he said, “Shit, I’m sorry. I know better, I just didn’t want you to fall.”

My eyes drifted closed as mortification set in. I was a freak and everyone knew it.

“What’s wrong?” Kyle asked.

With my eyes still closed, I shook my head but I couldn’t speak as I tried to process why I hadn’t been scared when Declan grabbed me. It hadn’t been exactly rough, but it wasn’t gentle. Declan was big and strong, he could snap me in half, he could hold me down and trap me. Yet, I wasn’t afraid. I hadn’t even thought twice about him catching me as I teetered.

“I grabbed—”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Tatiana cut Declan off. “Dinner’s ready. Why don’t you go tell the others?”

There was a moment of silence and I opened my eyes but I couldn’t get myself to look at anyone.