Page 72 of Kyle

“Okay,” Kyle agreed.

“Hey,” Emerson murmured and my attention went to her. “I know you don’t believe this yet, but you will. We…” Emerson used her thumb to motion between her and Tatiana. “Have your back. We’re here for you if you need to talk. I’ll say this one thing then drop it for now. You’re not fucked-up. There’s not a damn thing wrong with you. Declan touched you and you didn’t bat an eye and wouldn’t’ve if he hadn’t made it a big deal.”

“But that’s my fault. I did that. The first time Kyle pushed me against a wall I had a full-blown panic attack. I taught them to behave that way around me.”

“I sense there’s more to that story and we don’t have time to hear it before the guys come back,” Tatiana said. “But have you ever thought that maybe you’ve never found a man you were comfortable enough with to open up to? That maybe all you needed was someone to prove to you they were strong enough to stand by you? That maybe you’re not fucked-up, you’re just smart and protecting your heart? Cut yourself some slack, Anaya.”

No. I’d never given any of those things any consideration. Because I was too busy reminding myself of all the ways I was screwed in the head. I’d made it my life’s mission to convince myself that I was too damaged, therefore not worth the effort.

Who in their right mind would want to stand beside me?

Kyle sauntered back in and his gaze came to mine—strong and sure. There was no hint of revulsion at the latest incident.

“Let’s get you to the table and I’ll bring you a plate.”

I didn’t bother arguing. I knew he wouldn’t let me get my own food. And if I was being honest, it felt damn good having someone take of me for once.

* * *

“Would you like an ice pack?” Kyle asked after he settled me into bed.

“No, but thank you. I actually feel a lot better. I’m not sure if it’s because you didn’t allow me off the couch all day or the two glasses of wine.”

And now that I was thinking about it, the alcohol sure had loosened my lips. I wasn’t sure who that woman was at dinner, when I was joking and laughing with Kyle and his teammates, but I’d never met her before. That woman was friendly and outgoing. A far cry from my normal stoic self. And the shit of it was, I really liked her.

I’d enjoyed the comradery, the playful banter, even Declan had joined in and was being funny.

Why had I been so stupid all my life? It was on that thought I blurted out, “I don’t have any friends.”

“What?” Kyle stopped with his knee on the bed and looked up at me.

“I have acquaintances. I call Evette my best friend. I say I was close to Kalee and she was my friend. But that’s a lie. My whole life has been a lie. Evie tells me everything and I repay her with lies. Kalee would tell me stories about growing up, about her dad, how much she loved him. She’d tell me how much she loved teaching. And what did I do? I gave her nothing.”

“Anaya—”

“I’ve never had what you have. Tonight I was so jealous of Emerson and Tatiana. They’re so close they don’t need words to communicate. No words, Kyle. They just looked at each other and knew what the other was thinking. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be that close to someone.”

“Sweetheart,” he said as he settled in next to me, his features soft and gentle. “I think you may’ve missed this, but halfway through dinner the three of you were holding your own. You fell right into those silent conversations.”

“I did?”

Kyle chuckled. “You did. Don’t think we didn’t miss the eye rolls, lip twitches, and brows being raised. You were just as much a part of the snarky sisterhood. Those two women are dying to get their hands on you so they can pull you in. You’re safe with them.”

I was safe.

I hadn’t ever been safe.

“Wanna talk about what happened with Dec?” he asked.

“Nothing happened. He accidentally scared me and I almost fell off the stool. He grabbed my arm to catch me. That was it.”

“Then why was your face red and head bowed when I came into the kitchen?”

“Because he’d snatched his hand away like it was on fire.”

“Anaya, sweetheart, he knows better than to touch you. He felt like shit for not thinking.”

“But that’s the thing, I didn’t care he grabbed me. I wasn’t even thinking about it. Not until he yanked his hand away.”