Page 23 of Chasing Honor

Carson talked and talked and talked. The girl to could chatter to a brick wall and never tire. Through it all Ethan had hung on her every word. He never told her to be quiet or interrupted one of her many stories. He let her carry the dinner conversation in any direction she wanted. And, for her part, she was smart and funny. It was obvious she’d spent a lot of time around adults and had soaked up all the information she could.

“What grade are you in?” I asked Carson while we were doing the dinner dishes.

“Third.”

“You’re pretty smart,” I told her.

“Thank you. Pop says it’s important to study. My daddy got straight As in school. Then, when I was born, he took extra classes and got out of school early, so he could start college.”

“Wow. That’s impressive.”

“What is?” Ethan asked, bringing in the rest of the dishes from the table.

“I was telling Honor how smart you are. You finished school way early and college too.”

“Are you bragging on your old man, Squirt?” He ruffled her curls, and she pushed his hand away.

“You’re not old. All the teachers talk about how young and cute you are. It’s gross.”

Ethan turned scarlet and shook his head. “That is gross. Your teacher is older than Gran.”

They both laughed and started loading the dishwasher. It was sweet to watch them.

By the time Ethan had taken Carson up to bed I was exhausted. I had to hand it to him, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to keep up with all the energy Carson had, but he did it all on his own and with grace. I grabbed a bottle of water and turned off the lights in the kitchen. While I was debating whether or not to shut off the rest of the lights Ethan came back downstairs.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d gone to bed and if I should turn everything off,” I told him.

He looked like he had a lot on his mind and when he didn’t answer me right away, I took that as my cue to go to my room and leave him in peace.

“Where are you going?” His words stopping me.

“I was gonna let you have some time to yourself. You look like you’ve had a long day.”

“Thank you for dinner. And for being so patient with Carson. I know she can be a handful.”

“She’s not a handful. Full of life, maybe, but she’s a good girl. I enjoyed cooking with her tonight.”

“Yeah, she liked that, too. It was all she talked about when I was tucking her in.”

The pensive look was back, and I didn’t understand why.

“Is that a problem? I didn’t mean to trample on your rules or anything.”

“Sit with me a minute?”

Dread washed over me. I’d lived here a week and I was afraid he was getting ready to give me the boot. I sat next to him on the couch, and my body slumped when he sighed. Oh, no. He didn’t look happy.

“Other than my mom, aunts, and female cousins, Carson has never had a woman around. Certainly not in the house, cooking with her.”

I waited for him to say something more, but he didn’t.

“If you’d rather me not, I won’t. I just thought she’d like it. I always loved cooking with my mom.” Ethan’s entire being changed and I rushed on. “That came out wrong. I didn’t mean . . . I don’t mean . . . I . . . fuck. Ethan I wasn’t saying I’m anything more than a roommate. I enjoy cooking and thought it would be fun for her as well. I swear, I wasn’t trying to push myself into your life.”

His next words shocked and saddened me at the same time.

“I was sixteen when Carson’s mother got pregnant. She wanted to give her up for adoption, but I wouldn’t agree. I couldn’t. Chrissy never wavered, not even after she’d given birth. She wouldn’t even look at Carson, let alone hold her. Not even ten minutes after Carson was born I left the delivery room with her, and, as promised, we’ve never heard from her again. A few hours later, her parents’ attorney dropped off the paperwork relinquishing Chrissy’s parental rights, and I took over all responsibility for Carson.

“There are some days, like today, I question what kind of father I am. Between my job being as dangerous as it is, and raising Carson without a mom, I wonder if I’m a selfish prick. I wouldn’t give up my daughter for anything, but I’ve never entertained the idea of dating or what it must be like for her not to have a woman in the house.”